When Terrorists Fear: Popehat Gets a Call From Donna Barstow
by Charles Carreon
November 24, 2013
When you care as little about your enemies as I do, it may take you a long time to find out what they are saying about you. On Thursday, for example, I got a phone call from Donna Barstow. Okay now, you little Popehat lurkers, you little TechDirt-haulers, Masnick-clones, Nate Anderson lovers, and Ars Technica drones, you don’t need to read another word. In fact, you shouldn’t! Copy this hyperlink and send it to Popehat or whoever your Net-correctness guru is, so they can tell you how to think about it.
The rest of you folks, whose minds aren’t wormy with Net-rot, are now wondering what the hell that was about. Who’s Donna Barstow? Well, just take a look at this little photograph of a Google search of the poor woman’s name.
Ah, she’s a Rapeutation victim. Why would she be calling me? To commiserate?
No, Donna, who was once a successful cartoonist, called me because she thought that I was posting about her at Charles-Carreon.com, the not-really-a-parody site that Paul Levy, the lawyer of choice for nutcase bloggers, forced me to allow nutcase blogger Christopher Recouvreur to operate. I explained to Donna that I don’t write anything that appears on the site, even though Recouvreur signs his posts, “Charles Carreon, Esq.,” which was no doubt the cause of her confusion. But, she said, “Do you think that Ken White wrote it?” I answered that if it sounded reasonably intelligent, quite possibly it was written by Ken White, since Recouvreur is not very smart.
Donna didn’t think the post, a pseudo-interview between “Charles Carreon” and “Donna Barstow,” seemed particularly smart, but she still thought it was written by Ken White. I told her what I knew about Popehat, i.e., that he is a deranged megalomaniac with powerful legal backing, with a bete noire, a dark obsession, somewhat Jack-the-Ripperish in its hold over him, that compels him to commit one savage Rapeutation after another. The Ripper was likely a gentleman, a doctor with surgical training who was allowed to have his way with disposable women, because the London police have ever been corrupt. Look at how many London policemen are currently answering charges in the News of the World scandal, because top brass at Scotland Yard took bribes and kept the heat off Murdoch’s phone hacking and privacy invasions of well over a thousand people. Murdoch’s machine destroyed the reputations of politicians and stars, and through extortion, allowed him to exercise control over vulnerable members of Parliament. London is still a fun town.
Los Angeles is another city where shit is kept under glass and offered up for admiration, and thus it is suitable for Popehat to have his office there at 333 South Hope Street, where from his office window, he can take in the spectacle of a city where iniquity is rewarded wherever one turns. It must do the devil in his heart good to know that, while he doesn’t have the time to go out and commit all the crimes that are happening in LA, someone is taking care of that while he goes about his work of committing mayhem on the Internet. Popehat is protected by the media elites in his role as avenger of the offended sensibilities of every random geek with a hair up his or her arse. Popehat is protected not, like the Ripper because he is a gentleman, but rather because he is a useful idiot who keeps the social media economy inflated with faux controversies that fuel posting, flame wars, and the belief that vitriolic, career-destroying gossip is good. Which is just to say that he is a charter member of the First Amendment Mafia, in charge of click-bait merchandising.
What is click-bait merchandising? It is kind of like running a butcher shop for cannibals. Everyday, people who sell clicks come to your shop, and they need human-meat to use for click-bait. Obviously, they want red meat, choice cuts, with a good name. The name is the most important thing in click-bait. Names with pre-existing popularity are best, because nothing is more delicious than eating today what was off limits yesterday. This explains why Charles Carreon is considered delicious – he once had a good name and some modest fame. Today, many people enjoy eating him, without suffering pangs of conscience, because Popehat revealed him to be a dangerous beast that had to be put down. As mean as Charles Carreon was, it’s just luck the meat is any good at all.
Donna Barstow is a very tasty dish, highly valued as click-bait. Females are always prized by cannibals, due to the tender texture of their meat. Donna was also a very successful cartoonist, so many people found it pleasant to devour her flesh once it came on the market.
What was Donna’s sin? What turned her from a human, whom it would be taboo to eat, to a pile of cold cuts? Like Matt Inman, she was a cartoonist, and like Matt Inman, she hated people posting her cartoons on the Internet. Why, then, isn’t she being celebrated all across the Net, like Matt Inman? Since Inman’s good for standing up for the sanctity of copyrights, and Donna’s bad for doing the same thing, then obviously who Popehat pillories has nothing to do with the issues. Popehat has no loyalty to principle, and the decision about who gets rapeutated and put in the butcher shop has nothing to do with copyrights at all.
What it’s about is style. If, instead of serving DMCA notices and telling people that the law was on her side, Donna had drawn cartoons of her enemies being eaten by killer whales, and done a fund raiser to save the last Orca pod in Greenland, then she might have been celebrated like Inman. At least she would not be on the menu. But instead, being the type who talks back, she provoked a lengthy interval of King Syndrome. And now she is on display, sliced into chops and steaks, right next to the prime rib of Charles Carreon.
What did Donna do that made her the target of that most deadly of slanders — “racism”? Donna said Mexico was a bad neighbor-nation.
Well hell, I’m as Mexican as you get, if genetics are the grounds for determining the issue, and I’ll tell you Mexico is a bad neighbor-nation. Not that I think it’s the fault of the Mexicans that all the border towns are snakepits of excess. It’s the border, for crimony’s sake. It’s the fault of the governments on both sides, and while Mexico is a bad neighbor-nation, the United States is a really bad neighbor-nation. My views on the subject of Mexico-USA relations are a matter of record, with my acapella tune, A Mexican Fourth of July, being a summary of my position, and Explode on the Border, being a lighthearted romp of the theme of “golfcarts burning in the sun.” I’d have no problem discussing these issues with Donna or any other conservative type, but I wouldn’t rapeutate her for her views. That would be messed up, to use the vernacular.
Donna has a right to her opinions, and how can a “free speech advocate” like Ken Popehat White set out to destroy her career because she wanted to express them? And why the hell does a jackass like Christopher Recouvreur want to associate her name with mine in some inane interview? I suppose it’s supposed to convey the idea that Donna, being the type of person Chris disrespects, would have to hire a lawyer whom he also disrespects. Chris – wake up. No one is interested in your opinions, but could you please make it clearer that they are your opinions – y’know, by signing them “Christopher Recouvreur, DMF?”
Donna had these questions in her head when she called Ken Popehat White in his elevated glass prison in the smog. Let’s stop right here and get the picture. Popehat is sitting there behind his desk, his executive chair groaning under the strain like an Aerostar van with too many Jehovah’s Witnesses in it. He’s trying to squeeze a few billable hours out of the day, after having spent most of it sticking his nose into other people’s business, turning their lives inside out with his sanctimonious airing of their purported faults. The phone rings, Popehat picks up.
According to Donna, as soon as she introduced herself, White sounded frightened, and his voice started shaking. When she asked him why he was writing nasty things about her, he had no explanation, but was quick to threaten, “If you sue me, I’ll win!” Donna asked him what he was so paranoid about – she hadn’t said anything about suing. He answered, “Your tone implied threat.” Classic Popehat – it’s always your fault.
I was in the middle of a busy day when Donna called, but I put it all on hold to listen to her, because that picture of Popehat pissing his drawers when she called him was sweet to behold. That lady could talk as long as she wanted, and she talked quite a while, because her gift had earned her my genuine gratitude. I was happy. My heart nourished, I went back to the day’s labor with renewed vigor, my mind at ease, knowing Popehat to be, in fact, the very worm I’d imagined.
I draw a few conclusions from Popehat’s fear of Donna. He’s a terrorist, who worships the power of fear. Fear is his favorite tool, because he has faith in it. It is the greatest power in his life. We are all driven by fear, but only people like Popehat are so frightened that they worship the power of fear.
Why is it that Popehat is always busy directing fire at other people? Because he fears people, and is afraid that if they took a good look at him, they would hate him. Why that is the case, he best knows, but let us take him at his word. There’s something detestable about him, and he doesn’t want people to see it. Popehat’s serial calls to behead this, that or another Internet heretic conceal a personality whose deep hatred of others reflects profound self-loathing.
Like a serial killer, Popehat takes one victim after another to their reputational grave, after a prolonged torture that Popehat conducts with gusto, while declaring his enjoyment of the process for the admiration of Internet torture fans everywhere. But his psychopathy is not complete, for he fears the consequence of his actions. We could almost feel sorry for this poor monster that has not quite managed to throttle its own conscience.
As I mentioned earlier, alluding to the way in which Donna’s fellow copyright-hawk Matt Inman was given preferential treatment, Popehat’s style of discussing Internet speech issues does not lead to free and open discussion of the issues. Instead, the topic – in this case Donna’s alleged affront to the dignity of my fellow-Mexicanos – was lost in ad hominem, and the issue of our offended Mexican dignity was never discussed. This is of course, because the point of conducting a Rapeutation is never to vindicate some moral or political position, but rather to get on with the beating, the abuse, the identify-theft and the humiliation.
The only principle that Ken Popehat White stands for is his right to verbally abuse the targets of his choosing, and it is the only principle that is being vindicated as his Reign of Terror continues, unabated by the slightest intrusion of sense into the mind of the Internet mob.