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THE PRISONER OF SAN JOSE: HOW I ESCAPED FROM ROSICRUCIAN MIND CONTROL

FIVE: The Miami Roller Coaster

I arrived in Miami on January 1, 1983.The next day, I went to Imocalie, a rural community about three hours' drive from Miami, where a lot of Haitians work as farm laborers. I carried with me my basic necessities and my AMORC monographs.

When I arrived, I stayed with twenty other farm workers in a little house with one bathroom. It was disgustingly dirty, and we slept in a dirty bed, as you would in a camp. To add to my misery, the farm season was bad. I stayed for four days and never had a chance to work, so I went back to Miami.

In Miami, I tried to join the other farm workers by going to the farm with the contractor every day. Once in a while, over a period of time, I managed to work a few days.

Even when the contractor picked me up, it did not guarantee that when I got to the farm, I would actually be used. Sometimes it was a matter of being chosen for strength or experience, and sometimes it was just pure luck. This was hardly a path of upward financial movement.

AMORC's Place in All of This

Where I was living in Miami, my friend's wife, Manita, set up a little room for me. Knowing my situation, they were kind enough not to charge me any rent.

I lived a normal life during the day, but when everyone else was asleep, I opened my AMORC monographs to study for the evening and did my experiments. This resulted in my getting only two to four hours of sleep a night, every night. Sleepless and underfed, I was unable to do the farm work, most of which involved picking tomatoes and oranges in southwest Miami.

Also, unknown to me at that time, my friend's wife, Manita, was observing me at night through an opening in the wall, watching me light candles and burn incense. Manita, like almost any Haitian, had a natural suspicion about anyone who would stay up performing strange rituals late at night. My late-night activities encouraged her to take steps to put me out of the house. AMORC had provided a powerful exit visa from my temporary home.

The Power of Remote Indoctrination

The monographs, small treatises that comprise the "weekly" lessons of AMORC, are the key to AMORC's powerful indoctrination techniques.

In most cults, indoctrination takes place in large meetings, and smaller groups are led by professionals, experienced in "programming" recruits with the key elements of their training. Although there are lodges in AMORC's system, the majority of members do not belong, either because they are content with the home-study course or because they do not have the time for the lodge meetings, or a lodge is simply not in their neck of the woods.

The amazing thing is that the monographs, which encourage the development of a home sanctum, a place for meditation and study, are sufficient to fully indoctrinate the majority of members. A review of the literature on cult psychology shows that all the elements are in place in the home-study course to fully indoctrinate members.

Indoctrination functions best when the recruit psychologically accepts the authority of the leadership of the group. This is generally facilitated through a mentor or group leader, who makes the case for the higher leadership as having the needed authority to effect the transference.

The idea of transference has been used in psychiatric circles for decades, after the promotion of the idea in psychoanalysis by Freud. It implies the transference of the patient's psychological autonomy from the patient to his doctor. In a sense, the patient surrenders his judgment and often decision-making to the higher authority, the doctor. The doctor becomes a kind of positive father figure.

This concept of transference can also be seen in very diverse relationships in ordinary life. A prisoner might, after a time, transfer his autonomy to a professional interrogator, a student might surrender his autonomy to a teacher, or a citizen may give up his independence to a political leader.

In the case of AMORC, through a manipulation of the student's view of the unique authority of the order, the exalted power of the imperator and the AMORC leaders, and the alleged presence of the invisible masters in the training, the monographs themselves assume a unique role.

As the monographs represent the authoritative voice of the AMORC leadership, living and ascendant, they take on an enhanced importance. In effect, the member will transfer his autonomy to the substance of the monographs themselves, their content representing the authentic and verified foundations of reality as understood by the enlightened Rosicrucian tradition.

The monographs then become a supereffective guidebook for creating auto-hypnotic states in the home sanctum. The various rituals of the sanctum -- such as chanting, visualization, and relaxation techniques -- provide a pathway for the member to regularly enter into at least a light hypnotic trance.

After introducing these techniques in the beginning of his membership, the member is now primed for entering into deeper, more highly suggestible states when reviewing the monographs and practicing the exercises in later stages of membership.

The Structure of the Monographs

From time to time, I am now going to refer to the basic documents of the AMORC home-study course, so it is important to understand how they are structured.

Typically, the lessons are featured in a pamphlet, which contains one or more monographs. Each monograph begins with a "Concurrence," which is a "Consideration of a Famous Opinion."

There are two main sections to the study course: the neophyte and the temple sections (except for the first introductory eight lessons, each of which is titled and numbered "Mandamus"). The other lessons throughout the sections are titled and numbered "Monographs."

The neophyte section has four divisions, consisting of the Mandamus lessons, and three atrium divisions, which include the monographs. After each atrium division, there is an initiation. After the third initiation, one moves into the temple section.

The temple section is structured according to various degrees, referring to the level of initiation, but the lessons are also organized into numbered monographs. There are twelve temple degrees.

There is also a "server analytic" lesson, at the end of each degree, which serves to summarize the activities of the various sections and degrees, pointing out that all exercises are important and should be rehearsed carefully for purposes of practice and review.

In speaking of the home-study course, I will sometimes present my own commentary. Sometimes I will provide actual diary elements, often with comments made in later review of these elements, which refer to specific documents. When I describe detail section of the monographs, I am referring exclusively to actual section of the monographs that I have copied directly from the monographs into my diaries for the purpose of reviewing. According to my understanding of AMORC teaching the monographs are sacred writing and should not be taken out of the sanctum, unless it is absolutely necessary. To comply with the teaching I developed the habit of copying almost entire monographs in my diaries so that I can review them on buses, in the park as a homeless or in my taxicab. Strangely enough these notes become very handy in the writing of this book.

I will now present some description and commentary on the first of eight Mandamus lessons.

Mandamus 1

In the beginning of the neophyte's journey, before commencing with the official monograph series, AMORC provides the new member with a set of about eight introductory papers, bound into a booklet, called a Mandamus. Inside the first Mandamus collection is another little booklet called Liber 777 (liber means "book" in Latin). This booklet contains the information about a concept called the celestial sanctum.

Liber 777 is the tool that is used to introduce H. Spencer Lewis, the founder and first imperator of AMORC, to the life of the Rosicrucian body. Progressively throughout these teachings, common forms of Christianity and other traditional religious teachings will be replaced by the Spencerian form of Rosicrucianism. AMORC postulates a place on the inner planes called the celestial sanctum, the only true launching pad for an encounter with the Cosmic, the Rosicrucian term for God.

Mandamus 1, a simple monograph of sixteen pages, contains exactly five exercises. This Mandamus has five experiments. An experiment is supposed to have predictable results. The results of an exercise will depend on the subject's "spiritual evolution."

Exercise 1: The Aura

In the first exercise, the postulant is asked to analyze impressions he might receive when in a bus, subway, or other public transportation, or in a crowd of people. The postulant is enjoined not to study any details about their appearance or behavior, but just to see how one's own impressions change as one looks from one individual to another. In this way, the postulant will be able to test his sensitivity to other people's auras.

The practice of this kind of exercise creates a kind of dual awareness in various situations. Since it is focused on the use of psychic powers in respect to other people's thoughts and emotions, there could be concerns about its invasive intention. Moreover, there should also be a concern about the attitudes that might be fostered as a result of implementing this kind of observation of people on a daily basis. How will people react if their day-to-day activities are embroiled in the development of special psychic powers, which, if developed, would give the practitioner a great advantage over ordinary people?

Whether these exercises could actually produce any clear results might be a legitimate question, but that there would be a psychological impact, a result of believing that one could enter into these psychic realms at will, is hardly questionable.

A person practicing these exercises would generally believe and desire that this type of superior development is possible and a good thing. In my case, I eventually became highly skeptical not only of the practical value of these exercises but also of their merit for me psychologically, as you will see as I chronicle some of my activity.

Exercise 2: Visualization

When in the company of a group of people, during a reunion, a party, or a meeting with friends, the postulant is asked to think hard about a certain person without looking at that person. This can be done by looking away from that person but visualizing his or her face. After a certain number of seconds, the postulant can cease all activity except to observe the person at a distance without the person noticing. In time, the person will look towards the postulant, as though he had somehow perceived the postulant's focus on him.

Exercise 3: Psychometry

This exercise is based on what the Rosicrucians call the science of vibration or vibroturgy. This means that there is a way to understand objects by virtue of their specific vibrations and to become sensitive to their vibrations. Vibroturgy further implies that an object can "pick up" and store the vibrations of other people or even events that have touched them or been in their vicinity. Psychics call this sensitivity psychometry.

In this exercise, the postulant is asked to go to a library, pick up a book or magazine, and try to sense impressions that have, perhaps, been embedded in the object after it has been handled by other people. It is claimed that this is not the result of imagination but an actual perception of the postulant.

Exercise 4: Reenergizing Exercise

The postulant will do this exercise when he is already tired. He is told to sit comfortably with his feet somewhat open but flat on the floor. Then he is asked to take the first three fingers of his right hand (including the thumb) and place them at the back of his neck. Once in position, he is told to breathe in deeply, holding the breath momentarily before exhaling. Then inhale, hold the breath, and exhale in the same way. The postulant exercises this procedure a few more times and then goes back to breathing normally. After awhile, this is supposed to produce a sense of regeneration and is part of a compendium of Rosicrucian therapeutic practices.

The monograph then informs us that AMORC's goal with these types of exercises is to gradually develop the member's special faculties and have them serve him in everyday life. "Special faculties" refers to psychic processes like telepathy, clairvoyance, and precognition.

***

Who would not want to wait to get these blessings? Think of the advantages a person would have with such developed intuition!

The exercises in these monographs sound simple and relatively harmless. But, in fact, they are the beginning of a process that eventually makes you look at the world in an entirely different way, separating you from your environment in specific and unusual ways.

If one welcomed this duality and did not have to worry about survival, these experiments might be fine -- for example, for an affluent middle-class person of an extreme metaphysical bent. Of course, it would depend whether these exercises could actually help one develop one's psychic abilities.

In my case, I remember being impoverished and looking like trash, walking in the park. Other people were in the park for recreation with their families or fiancees. I was doing AMORC homework, always on duty, always putting AMORC ahead of everything else in my consciousness.

It is my opinion that the average Rosicrucian probably takes a few shortcuts with these monographs and so, for him or for her, there isn't the same danger as for those who take these monographs with supreme seriousness. When embroiled in a cult, it is those who believe the most intensely and act in full conviction and boldness who stand to lose the most -- their time, their money, their relationships.

Changing Your Sense of Reality

The simple promenades proposed in the previous monograph require the energy of focused concentration. The result is that a great deal of attention is expended while performing this level of self-observation. In fact, in a certain sense, even in a quiet park or your own living room, when performing these exercises you are as occupied as a fulltime worker, carrying a heavy bag on his or her back while engaging in their daily tasks.

Since the purpose of these exercises is to separate you from your normal experience of reality and introduce you to the ascendant worlds of mystical reality, the result is, indeed, the beginning of an enforced isolation from the world. If this were a balanced effort, if the results were clearly beneficial and uplifting, and if you were not driven to accept the improvable and the harmful, including a loss of judgment about experience in general, I would have to rethink my conclusions.

The danger here is that an enhanced and unusual state of perception can lead to wrong thinking about the teaching that engenders and encourages certain practices. So often, a few special experiences vouchsafe that the initiate is truly being given access to selected knowledge and thereby relieves him of his obligation to test the claims of the organization promoting these new, intriguing changes in perception.

For instance, just because you experience an "aura," that does not validate the pedigree of the Ancient Mystical Order Rosae Crucis.

In Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism, first published in 1962, Lifton talks about "mystical manipulation" as "extensive personal manipulation." He says:

This manipulation assumes a no-holds barred character, and uses every possible device at the milieu's command, no matter how bizarre or painful. Initiated from above, it seeks to provoke those patterns of behavior and emotion in such a way that these will appear to have arisen from within the environment. [1]

In AMORC, the experiences of the member, who is locked into the larger claims of AMORC, slowly begin to teach him to attribute a whole set of experiences in his life to his membership in AMORC, often serving, somewhat irrationally, to validate its claims.

But, in most cases, the initiate, if achieving some kind of results, will isolate himself even more to dedicate himself to these experiments. He will look for ways to have special walks in places unfamiliar to others who know him, so he can be alone, in full concentration.

In reality, he is being groomed to isolate himself from friends and family in the beginning and, in the long run, to isolate himself from society at large.

Neophyte Section, Mandamus 2

The long mythology of AMORC, going back to ancient Egypt, is introduced. The Pharaoh Thutmose III (reigned approximately 1500 to 1447 B.C) is credited with having established the first "Secret Brotherhood." Seventy years later, Pharaoh Amenhotep IV (whose name was later changed to Akhenaton, according to conventional historical accounts), initiated a short-lived form of monotheism as the official religious doctrine of formerly polytheistic Egypt.

A clear distinction is established between other Rosicrucian groups and AMORC These suggest you be careful of other groups claiming to be Rosicrucian. According to AMORC, the initials A.M.O.R.C must be associated with the words, Rosicrucian Order, in order for people to be assured of the authenticity of that order. The question is, what other organizations now or before have retained that exact combination of terms?

Furthermore, AMORC claims that the only authentic emblem of a Rosicrucian order is a golden cross with a single red rose in its center. It claims that the golden cross represents the physical body and the red rose the blossoming of incarnations of that body. No other cross represents the true order. The question then would be, what other organizations have used this image, in conjunction with the initials AMORC, in representing a Rosicrucian order?

Indoctrination Effect

This is a subtle way of keeping you away from other Rosicrucian literature and, later on, of keeping you away from other spiritual writings -- and eventually removing you from the world. This is exactly why, throughout the years, even as late as 2004,I was afraid to search for AMORC and AMORC-related themes on the Internet.

The second Mandamus introduces H. Spencer Lewis as the founder of AMORC After relating Lewis's pilgrimage to Europe, the second Mandamus discusses how he had to pass examinations and endure much spiritual testing before he met an official of the French Rosicrucian Order, eventually receiving his own initiation in Toulouse, France. He was then given the responsibility for reviving AMORC around the world. The Mandamus says he underwent "many tests and trials" before this could happen.

As we have related previously, the activities of H. Spencer Lewis, in his formation of the order, and in his interaction with various occult groups of the period, is quite a bit more complex than is presented here. Nonetheless, as a burgeoning Rosicrucian, I was very much taken by his story.

Homeless and without food, I was convinced that, like H. Spencer Lewis, I was being tested. Even when I had to ignore my family because of my poverty, I was under the impression that it was all a great spiritual test. Following the "test," I believed that AMORC would give me "permission" to obtain my financial freedom.

In short, this description of spiritual testing formed a foundation for rationalizing the degrading way I was living.

Mandamus 3

Here it is clearly stated that:

1. Being a member of AMORC is a privilege.

2. Initiates must be patient as they gain access to AMORC knowledge.

In this Mandamus, the reader is told that it will take sixteen months to achieve the First Temple degree. This is not true. Before the postulant is finished with the preliminary sections of that degree, AMORC will forcefully -- and probably successfully -- suggest that these first monographs be reviewed again and again. As Margaret Thaler Singer says:

Cults don't need to have you move into the commune, farm, headquarters, or ashram and live within the cult environment in order to have control over you. They can control you just as effectively by having you go to work every day with instructions that when not working -- on your lunch hour, for example -- you must do continuous mind-occupying chanting or some other cult-related activity. Then, after work, you must put all your time in with the organization. [2]

As you read this account of my life in AMORC, please try to remember the above observation. In the quote, Singer was not commenting on AMORC but generally referencing the modus operandi of dozens of cults. Still, it will explain why AMORC would tell prospective members that they will only have to spend about an hour and a half a week on exercises that will eventually dominate their waking and sleeping existence.

The illuminati section reached after the ninth temple degree is not detailed here. However, its mention serves to create a tantalizing mystery about its contents for the new member, now contemplating his journey to Rosicrucian discipleship.

As a member proceeds to the ninth degree, he finds a strong incentive to stay in the order, thinking that the real goods must be in the illuminati section. For example, one of the illuminati exercises is an out-of-body experiment. But, like most of the exercises in these monographs, there is a literature outside of AMORC that deals with very similar exercises and corresponding phenomena.

Before I joined AMORC, I bought a little booklet that clearly explains that the first step in performing an out-of-body experiment is to eliminate fear from you. It told you to lay down in a very relaxing way and simply let yourself go. With the help of that booklet, I had many out-of-body experiments.

A few months after joining AMORC, I had a dream -- almost like a vision because I was in a semi-waking state. In my mind, I saw myself performing one of my out-of-body experiments. At the same time, I saw myself putting my finger inside of an electric plug with live electricity. I then became afraid and returned to my physical body. I immediately got the idea that this was a warning from AMORC to immediately stop that type of experiment. This warning conformed to the Rosicrucian prescription to follow the pattern of the teachings. I wouldn't encounter out-of-body exercises until much later.

In fact, after my "dream," I resisted all temptation to attempt another out-of-body experiment for almost fifteen years. When I reached the eleventh temple degree in 1998,one of the top-secret exercises of the degree was to perform an out-of-body experiment.

The instructions in the temple degree were exactly the same as in the little booklet that I had used fifteen years earlier. Why is this exercise treated with such secrecy that the order forbids you to discuss even the existence of such exercises with the lower degrees?

This practice of prohibiting members from telling what they have studied in previous degrees is a policy that AMORC successfully uses to compartmentalize members. This policy functions to separate members from each other and eventually separate them from society.

The out-of-body experiment is supposed to be a privilege of the higher degrees. Members are not supposed to tell initiates of lower degrees about their work with specific experiments.

A New Center of the Universe

At first, AMORC was not of that much importance to me. It was a factor in my life along with other important factors, the chief being my family's economic survival.

I came to Miami with only $184 in my pocket. But somehow I was not worried, because I believed I was under the protection of AMORC. At that point, my relationship with AMORC changed because I now began to look at it as a primary way I could beat the economic survival game.

As things progressed, AMORC would slowly become the center of my life -- and, eventually, my only connection to God.

AMORC holds that to pray to God, you must enter into contact with the Cosmic. Contact with the Cosmic is actually a state of consciousness that some might say is equivalent to the mystical Christian state of unity with the divine. According to AMORC, this is best done by rising to the level of the celestial sanctum. This is the best platform for seeking cosmic attunement.

Entering the celestial sanctum is only possible to those who are in deep harmony with the Master of the Universe. And this works most effectively if one is a member of a true initiatic or mystical organization on Earth.

AMORC speaks of the seven true mystical organizations, which are all from seventeenth- and eighteenth-century Europe. The only ones of these that are still in existence are AMORC and the Freemasons. But according to AMORC, the modern Freemasons are a "sleepy organization," meaning that they are not the authentic organization they ought to be. Thus, AMORC claims to be the only true representation of a mystical organization on Earth.

It did not take much thinking to realize that I had to be in harmony with AMORC in order to reach the Cosmic. Whenever I felt doubt about the AMORC organization, I quickly suppressed it and complied with their teachings at all costs, because I did not want to lose what I then believed to be my only connection to God. As Steve Hassan says,

Thought-stopping is the most direct way to short-circuit a person's ability to test reality. Indeed, if someone is able to think only positive thoughts about his involvement with the group, he is most certainly stuck. Since the doctrine is perfect and the leader is perfect, any problem that crops up is assumed to be the fault of the individual member. He learns always to blame himself and work harder.

Thought control can effectively block out any feelings that do not correspond with the group doctrine. It can also serve to keep a cult member working as an obedient slave. In any event, when thought is controlled, feelings and behaviors are controlled as well. [3]

Mandamus 4

Mandamus 4, which is to be read in your fourth week, begins -- in a very subtle way -- to separate members from the world as they knew it and put them under the complete control of AMORC. The technique used for this purpose is called "Redefining the concept of time."

In very slick and persuasive language, Mandamus 4 explains that the concept of time is wrongly defined in the ordinary world. Of course AMORC has the "right" definition of the concept of time.

In the Mandamus, AMORC criticizes today's scientific view of time. Since time is such a basic concept, a concept generally defined and utilized by science, getting the member to accept the Rosicrucian definition is a big step in disengaging him from the authority of science and outside standards for reasoning about things in the ordinary world.

If AMORC can succeed in creating this level of doubt about science, the member will be forced into reconsidering the validity of many things he might believe. This is part of what Schein calls the "unfreezing" stage, where the basic concepts of a new recruit into a cult are forever shaken up.

Despite the language of the monograph, it was hard for me to completely grasp the Rosicrucian claim that their wisdom could redefine time. Let us say that in distinguishing between objective measures of time (like a pendulum, an hourglass, or a clock) and subjective experiences of time (as when one is watching an exciting movie, engaged in a deeply engrossing conversation, or sharing a highly romantic moment), one notices that the experience of time can depart very much from any kind of objective measurement. Subjectively, time can move slowly or very quickly.

Here are some more examples of the types of exercises outlined in Mandamus 4:

1. Have the postulant walk down a certain road, then go back and ride on that same road by bicycle. Finally, have the postulant drive a car on the same road. Have the postulant make a note of his impressions.

2. Walk for fifteen minutes in a straight line in a place that, scenically, is just ordinary, nothing special. Then, choosing a place that is scenically very beautiful, take a walk for the same length of time, in a not-so-straight line. Have the postulant make a note of their impressions.

These experiments prove that, although the objective measurements of time spent may be completely the same, the subjective arena is vastly different. Objective and subjective criteria are quite different. The Rosicrucian concept of time, as proposed by AMORC, stresses the subjective and casts doubt on the importance of the objective.

Since the Mandamus indicates, but does not closely define, the Rosicrucian concept of time, the suggested constant rereading of the home-study lessons and meditating on their contents merely reinforces AMORC's point of view, which is that subjective time somehow trumps and is more real than objective time.

Mandamus 5

After rejecting the contemporary scientific view of time in Mandamus 4, AMORC addresses the scientific view of space in Mandamus 5.

Again, the dictionary definition of space, which reflects the contemporary scientific world view, is wrong. The AMORC definition of space is the right one. To validate the so-called Rosicrucian view, this monograph quotes ancient mystical and spiritual writings to support its position.

I am troubled particularly by a phrase from this monograph: "The Rosicrucians have asserted for centuries ... " The question here is, who? Rosicrucians from a variety of orders, representing a common view of space? Or AMORC, a monolithic organization whose archives exclusively bear the secret fruits of ages of study? The answer, as exhibited in the monographs, is AMORC itself.

This not-so-subtle claim of authority caused me to doubt my desire to leave AMORC when I began to question the validity of the Rosicrucian message. Was I really informed enough to question their authority? If these people know so much that they have affirmed these things for centuries, who was I to question them?

Basically, AMORC claims that time does not exist for a Rosicrucian -- except, of course, when your membership fee is due. In fact, time becomes so real at this point that you become very aware that if your membership commitments aren't met on time, you will be automatically cut from the egregore.

Severing one's connection to the egregore, the sacred pattern of the order on other planes, may not sound so severe to an outsider, but to a Rosicrucian now dependent on the organization, this is a powerful threat. Remember that a Rosicrucian believes that his fundamental connection to God is linked to his association with the egregore of AMORC.

Mandamus 6

The Temptation

According to AMORC, humans possess a capacity for sensing an invisible realm. Human beings can, in a supersensible realm, hear, see, and smell things they cannot smell now. AMORC will train you to develop these faculties. These hopes for supersensible, profound experience hooked me into AMORC like a fish flailing on a line.

Rejection of Physical Senses

In the beginning of these introductory lessons, AMORC makes compelling arguments about the limitation of the physical senses. After a time, a neophyte begins to taste the promise of this supersensible experience, known only to the very few. This is part of AMORC's unique draw.

Remember, AMORC's general constituency, upon commencing their membership, is usually not familiar with the history of occultism, parapsychology, or mystical practices. Many times, AMORC is a member's first pass at this type of teaching or organization. When this is the case, AMORC's claims tend to go unquestioned, especially when information corning from ordinary scientific and religious circles is subtly questioned. Since AMORC has its unique calling in the world, other Rosicrucian orders are considered to be pale imitations at best, if not outright frauds.

So by the time a neophyte begins to question AMORC, the order has created many stumbling blocks inside his mind. To question AMORC's authority becomes dangerous and even treasonous. The initiate looks at AMORC as the only source of this supersensible knowledge. AMORCtells their initiates that these great developments can be obtained only with the genuine Rosicrucian teaching.

In Mandamus 6, we learn that even mental interpretations based on reasonable deduction or induction are unreliable. The monograph tries to instill doubt in you about the very fabric of the universe, your concept of space and time, and your normal sensory experience, as well as your ability to interpret it.

In the beginning, AMORC only proposes that you do certain experiments. Later on, after you have been thoroughly indoctrinated, this so-called invitation to try certain exercises will become a subtly imposed mandate. If you buy into AMORC's philosophy, you will have to do these exercises whether you want or not. Why? Because, after you are indoctrinated, the practice of these exercises becomes a critical matter of survival.

To gain the protection of the egregore of AMORC, you must practice the exercises and pay your dues. In fact, at a certain point, you learn that AMORC is the only authentic positive spiritual egregore that exists. This means that, indeed, AMORC is the only true link to God.

Two Experiments to Practice

Experiment 1

The postulant sits in silence, away from others, and concentrates on internal functions that usually do not command his attention, like breathing, heartbeat, perhaps the skin's sensitivity to temperature or the movement of air in the room. The postulant should try to feel the duality between the physical and the nonphysical body.

Experiment 2

The postulant should then interact among a lot of people, observing how you can be conscious of yourself while sensing the crowd of people. A sense of the inner, of oneself, coexists with the outer, "external" world.

On January 12, 1983,less than two weeks after arriving in Florida, I walked from downtown Miami on Flagler Street and First Avenue to the Social Security office in Little Havana, a journey of about four miles.

It was hot day. Still, I had a long-sleeve shirt on, and I was sweating. As I walked, I was talking to myself about how I hated AMORC's empty philosophical writing.

I was deeply convinced that I needed my green card so that I could go to college and get my mother, my sisters, and brother out of poverty in Haiti and move them to the United States.

When I finally got to the Social Security office, I got a number and sat waiting for my turn to go to the counter. Looking straight ahead at someone standing in the office, I believed that, for the first time in my life, I was observing a human aura. I hated that observation and mentally blocked out that picture.

Here I was, in the middle of a crowded government office, trying to get my Social Security card so I could work, bothering about worthless psychic phenomena like seeing auras.

At the moment, I was thinking, "I do not care to see auras. What I need is my financial freedom." When I got home that night, here's what I wrote in my diary:

My Rosicrucian Diary January 12, 1983

In the middle of my torments today, the Cosmic gave me permission to experience something new, a spontaneous viewing of a colored field of energy around the human body, which I believe may be the human aura. This could be signaling the beginning of the formation of the third eye, a coveted faculty of advanced initiates. Perhaps, as I move forward in the Rosicrucian teaching, I will discover the way to achieve my principal goal -- to obtain my green card, go to college, and get my family out of poverty.

This experience had made me more conscious of my spiritual development. In my diary entry, I concluded that I wished that "the Cosmic" -- AMORC loaded language for God -- would grant me another experience similar to the one I had in the Social Security office. After my initial distaste for the bothersome phenomenon, my cult personality kicked into full gear when I wrote that I credited AMORC for my spiritual development and I determined to continue the Rosicrucian study at any cost. Fatal words, "any cost"!

While writing these lines, I didn't mention the sense of exploitation that I had felt during the day, especially after the "auric experience." I didn't mention how I had tried to block the experience out of my mind due to its irrelevance to my current situation. During my twenty-plus years of affiliation to AMORC, there were many occasions like this one, where I felt one way during an event, but once I picked up my monographs at night for study, my feelings changed.

In a mind control environment, freedom of choice is the first thing that one loses. The reason for that loss is essentially simple: the cult member is no longer operating as himself. He has a new artificial identify structure which includes new beliefs and a new language. The cult leaders' doctrine becomes the master "map" for reality of the new cult member.

A member of a mind control cult is at war with himself. Therefore, when dealing with a cult member, it is extremely important to keep in mind that he has two identities. [4]

Yes, in working in my home sanctum at night, I became a totally different person. In a sense, this memoir is the description of the development of a cult personality in a person whom one might think, naively, to be an unlikely candidate for cult recruitment. It is also the story of how a person like myself, with some awareness, can undertake to assist in the disintegration of that cult personality and advance toward freedom.

In order to create a compliant and highly suggestible membership, certain elements of indoctrination need to be set into place. One of them is "loaded language," in which cult members use special words like Cosmic (instead of God) to give a certain flavor to the cult language.

Loading the language. As members continue formulate their ideas in the group's jargon, this language serves the purpose of constricting members' thinking and shutting down critical thinking abilities. At first, translating from their native tongue into "groupspeak" forces members to censor, edit, and slow down spontaneous bursts of criticism or oppositional ideas. That helps them to cut off and contain negative or resistive feelings. Eventually, speaking in cult jargon is second nature, and talking with outsiders becomes energy-consuming and awkward. Soon enough, members find it most comfortable to talk only among themselves in the new vocabulary. To reinforce this, all kinds of derogatory names are given to outsiders: wogs, systemites, reactionairies, unclean, or Satan. [5]

The essays in the Mandamus collection make a variety of key claims about the order. These claims comprise themes critical to the potential transformation of the member and are embedded in the entire AMORC monograph collection. Each of these claims has important consequences for a member's lifestyle.

1. They claim you are a special person, somehow selected for this important AMORC affiliation. You are not like a common person. These monographs can only be given to special people like yourself. To this end, they overload you with reading assignments (read Liber 777 plus the Rosicrucian manual of information, a book of about 200 pages, in a week.) To do this efficiently, you would need to be a speed-reading demon. This is a relatively gigantic reading assignment for someone who has a full-time job and perhaps a family.

2. They claim that the exercises have practical consequences and are not purely theoretical. To this end, they overload you with experiments to do (four experiments per reading, an extremely time-consuming activity).

3. In a subtle way, they claim you will be tested. Therefore, if the exercises and teachings do not change your life, perhaps you are ultimately to blame.

4. Since you are so specially chosen, you are assigned special work that splits you off from family and friends. You are given special tasks, like sacred sounds to chant, special breathing and visualization exercises, special conditions to set up for deep meditation, etc.

5. Since you are part of a very elevated, special spiritual organization, you are taught to look askance at ordinary institutions of religion, science, and education. AMORC claims not to be a religious organization but clearly states the shortcomings of all formal religions. The monographs imply but never directly state that AMORC is the proper replacement for the church in the member's life. In fact, AMORC continually maintains its respect for members' church affiliations. No matter what your affiliation, many members can attend a special lodge where Rosicrucian rituals are carried out and given a special sacred and fundamental meaning.

While I continued my Rosicrucian attempts to jumpstart my financial life through metaphysics, friends tried very hard to help me get a Social Security number or a work permit so that I could look for a regular job. At the time, farm labor was the only type of work that did not require these documents. Eventually, I was able to obtain a Social Security number and applied for my first job with the help of a friend from Haiti.

I moved in with another friend for two days and then rented a room. I paid my first month's rent of one hundred dollars with a gift I received from the Episcopal Church of Miami.

At the new place, I did not have my own room. I slept in the dining room when everyone else went to bed. I had no privacy to study the AMORC monographs, so I studied in front of everyone, which was not a problem since no one else in that house could read French (French is the primary language of Haiti). But I looked forward to the day when I had my own room so that I could study the monographs in peace.

The monographs, utilized properly, basically guide readers to a certain state of consciousness. This involves getting into a meditative state, in front of a mirror, while burning candles and incense. The techniques of the monographs were promoted as being highly secretive and for the use of AMORC members only. Therefore, studying them in public was both limiting and, in a sense, a violation of AMORC regulations.

Now I know that the entire ritual of the home sanctum and its exercises were guiding members into a state of auto-suggestion, reinforced and directed by the teaching in the monographs, but this thought never occurred to me during most of my experience in AMORC. Who could imagine that putting members into a state of hypnotic trance could somehow serve the purposes of AMORC and its leaders?

March 1983

I had been in Miami, Florida, for three months. I didn't have a job yet. I was living in a rented room on Sixty-Eighth Street and NE Second Avenue. At that time, most of the farm workers from Haiti lived in this community.

When my friend in Miami, Nadine, dropped me off at my rooming house one day, she said she felt that I should be living in a better social environment. She knew that in Haiti, I had been a university student and a government employee. She advised me to visit the AMORC lodge that was located on Sixty-Second Street. I guess that Nadine thought that I would receive some help from my fellow Rosicrucians. I did what she suggested. Not quite understanding why, I followed her advice and went to the lodge.

Prior to that moment, I had intended to wait until I was more settled before approaching anyone from the order. It had just made sense to wait. I was convinced that I needed to look more Americanized before going to a lodge. I knew that I was not ready for the social aspect of the lodge.

Still, back in Haiti, when I resigned from the lodge Martinez de Pasqually, I remember the secretary's suggestion to join a lodge immediately when I got to Miami. She told me they could even help me in the new country. Perhaps it was partly her influence that drove me to go there earlier than I expected. In fact, this was the same secretary who had gotten me into my original AMORC lodge when it also had not been not part of my plan. She was an excellent cheerleader for AMORC.

First Visit to the Miami AMORC Lodge

I dressed as well as I could and went first to attend the Catholic Mass at the Haitian church across from the lodge. After Mass, I headed across the street. Skinny and "poorly dressed," I instantly got the undesirable attention of everyone.

Almost at once, I overheard Stephanie, one of the sorors -- female members of the order -- who I eventually met, whispering to someone that I could sure use some multivitamins. Since not eating enough food forces a person into a semi-starvation mode, vitamin supplements would certainly have been useful. Three square meals might have been more helpful, though.

But despite my incessant hunger, I did not look at myself as "starving," and I dismissed Stephanie's statement as "one of those American ways of thinking." I was, after all, a high initiate suffering a needed level of spiritual testing. It took a long time for me to wonder why the Cosmic wanted to afflict with me quite so much hunger and poverty.

Convocations at the lodge are something like formal church services but even more like the ritualistic meetings of Freemasons. Officials wear certain specific uniforms. Incense and candles are burned. Processions follow a prescribed structure. Although I felt awkward at the lodge, it was nice to be part of something again, and I felt the warmth of belonging to something.

Following the convocation, I sat at a table with Yves and Roger, two fraters. At one point, I was drinking coffee and started to laugh. I was laughing at the fact that I didn't know which mix to use in my coffee. America was constantly bringing me little surprise tastes and sounds. I was very self-conscious and thought that everyone in the room must be wondering, "Who is that foolish-looking thing in front of us?"

I was recovering from my negative thought about my appearance when my table companion, Roger, asked whether I had a car. For a split second, I started thinking that the secretary in Haiti was right. Wow! Here it comes!

I told Roger that, unfortunately, I didn't have a car. He offered me one immediately, failing to mention that it was not running and had no tires. In fact, it would take me a year of dishwashing jobs to get that car running.

When the post-Convocation social period ended, as I was on my way home, I stopped outside the lodge with one American frater and another member, a frater from Quebec. The frater from Quebec was definitely sympathetic to me. The American frater, on the other hand, looked at me in a very condescending way and asked what I was looking for in Miami.

I told him I wanted a job. Looking down his nose, he said, "Like a dishwashing job?"

Now, in my circumstances, I did not have any pride about what I did. My entire focus was not on myself but on how to help my mother and sisters in Haiti. I would take dishwashing jobs, farm jobs -- anything, really. Still, I felt the sting of the disrespect in the American frater's voice.

In my mind, and despite my financial circumstances, I was still the very gifted Pierre Freeman who was studying civil engineering in Haiti. What the American frater saw before him was a skinny little thing who looked like nothing. He probably thought that I didn't even know how to sign my name.

I was not ashamed about what I had to do as an immigrant in the United States. And I wasn't about to let my good friend, the frater, change my willingness to do whatever I had to do without tarnishing my self-esteem. Still, it hurt a bit.

On the other hand, the frater from Montreal was more sympathetic to my situation and gave me some useful hints on job searching.

At the time, I lived only three blocks away from the lodge. Still, I was happy to get a ride from Yves (the table companion I mentioned earlier), particularly when I told him that I wanted to move and he replied that he had a room for rent.

In fact, I ended up renting that room with one of my first checks from my dish washing job, a job I had gotten in a Mexican restaurant in Coconut Grove with the help of a friend from Haiti. This was a job I had actually applied for two weeks after I had come to Miami.

But things didn't work out for me in that room. In fact, it turned out to be a very deceptive experience. The neighborhood was very bad near Third Avenue and Eightieth Street NW. I was very concerned about being mugged at night when returning from work. Even during the day when I got off the bus, a group of guys drinking alcohol always tried to stop me and asked for money. I stayed there for only one month.

AMORC wasted no time in entrapping me in the Miami lodge. The following incident, which occurred during my second visit to the Miami lodge, illustrates the entrapping experience.

The "Madame Lamar" Experience

During the period of guided meditation by the lodge master, I felt energy leaving my body and heading in the direction of another person, Madame Lamar. Please understand, I wasn't intentionally trying to hurt or disrupt Madame Lamar in any way. It was as if an invisible force had possessed me and was directing my energy in this strange way.

The way I began to understand this was that my own spiritual energy was protecting me from an attack directed toward me by Madame Lamar. In fact, in my inner vision, I believed she was on a horse, trying to influence me, to direct me to return to Haiti.

But the energy of my mind was bent on protecting me from her efforts, even to the point of seriously hurting her in the process. Even though I recoiled from my vision of her intent, for some reason I deliberately halted the projection of my energy toward her. I consciously didn't want to be involved in hurting her in any way, because she was my benefactor in Haiti.

Many years later, when I felt the desire to quit the Miami lodge, or when I felt I was out of place there and wanted to leave the lodge, the memory of that experience carne to me as a reminder that I needed the lodge and its teachings to protect myself.

What do phobias have to do with cult groups and mind control? In some cults, members are systematically made to be phobic about ever leaving the group. Today's cults know how to effectively implant vivid negative images deep within members' unconscious minds, making it impossible for the member to even conceive of ever being happy and successful outside of the group. When the unconscious is programmed to accept the negative images, it behaves as though they were true. The unconscious mind is made to contain a substantial image-bank of all of the bad things that will occur if anyone should ever betray the group. Members are programmed either overtly or subtly (depending on the organization) to believe that if they ever leave, they will die of some horrible disease, be hit by a car, be killed in a plane crash, or perhaps even cause the death of loved ones. Some groups program members to believe that if they ever leave the group, planetary nuclear holocaust will be the result. [6]

This belief that the lodge was somehow involved with my personal survival compelled me to continue and endure humiliation and rejection at the hands of its members.

Complying with AMORC at All Costs

March 1983

AMORC had special requirements for its neophytes to study their monographs. One of those requirements was that the monographs were to be read in front of a mirror.

Accordingly, I bought a mirror when I moved into Yves house. In spite of the fact that the room was full of mosquitoes, I still attempted to enter into a meditative state to complete my Rosicrucian exercises. This shows the level to which I was willing to abandon common sense to adhere rigidly to the rules of the order.

After one month at Yves's house my friend, Nesly Germain, found me a room at her aunt Charlestine's at 1114 Street. I rented the room for $80 a month. Charlestine is a single lady from Haiti with one grown daughter and a grown son and one teenage daughter. They were Seventh Day Adventists and took me in like a son.

June 1983

Night at the Bus Stop

I got my first job in Miami at a construction site with the help of another friend from Haiti. While that job had a lot of overtime, it was a temporary job that ended when the project was completed. So when the dish washing job that I had applied for called, I left and started my dishwashing job.

As a dishwasher, I worked from 2:45 to 11:45 PM. But when the restaurant closed at 11:30 PM., it took some time to clean the last of the dishes and the kitchen. The last bus was at 11:45 PM., so one night, I told the boss that I would miss the bus. He took me home in his car, all the way from Coconut Grove to Sixty-Eighth Street and NE Second Avenue in Little Haiti.

After he dropped me off, I realized that I could easily become a burden for the boss and that he could fire me to avoid taking me home. Also, I was living in a very unsafe neighborhood, which could have unpleasant consequences if something went wrong. The next day, I told my boss that my cousin would pick me up on a regular basis.

Sometimes I got a ride with a co-worker from Haiti. But many nights when my dishwashing job took me past 11:45 PM, I slept at the bus stop until 7:00 AM. When I woke up in the morning, I caught the bus home.

By the way, that bus stop, the first on the route, was at a location where only businesses and restaurants were located. They are closed by midnight. It was a no-man's-land after midnight.

One night, lying on the bus bench, trying to fall asleep, I saw a minivan park across the street from the bus stop. A man got out and walked to the bus bench. I was awake but pretended to be sleeping. The man sat at the end of the bench next to my feet. He looked at me but didn't say anything. I didn't make a move, pretending to be sleeping. He walked back to his van and drove off.

It was indeed a scary moment. I didn't have a knife, a bottle, or anything else I could have defended myself with.

As you will see from reading this story, I was slowly becoming more and more immersed in my daily readings of the monographs and the recommended exercises. The main reason for this is that, as a believer, I could no longer separate AMORC from the other activities I needed to survive. In fact, at one point, AMORC became my primary key to survival, more important than work itself.

Here was my schedule from March 1983, when I got my dishwasher job in Coconut Grove, to October 1983,when I lost the job.

Monday to Sunday

I woke up at 6:00 AM. I then practiced the Rosicrucian exercises from 6:00 to 7:30 AM. I left home by 8 AM and took the bus to school without any food.

English as a second language class started at 9:00. Class finished at 2:30 PM. I took the bus and arrived at my job at about 3:30. I worked from 3:45 to 11:45. Then I took a bus, which arrived at my house by 1:30 AM. I got home, took a shower, and studied the Rosicrucian monographs and did their exercises until 3 or 4 AM. In reviewing my diary, it is clear how tired and hungry I was, but despite the cost to my health and psychological well-being, I would log in two and a half hours a day, as opposed to the one and a half hours a week clearly described in The Mastery of Life. As my story progresses, you will see how there is a steady progression of influences that can lead a diligent member into following a far more rigorous schedule than the more reasonable one published publicly.

The major driver of this behavior was fear. And, believe me, the power of fear grows when you are deep into the first stage of Schein's scenario, the destabilization process. In my case, part of this occurred when I first began to doubt whether the practical parts of my life -- like work and education -- should be the primary focus of survival.

As I began to learn the Rosicrucian way, chanting certain sounds, meditating with candles and incense in my home sanctum, practicing daily observations of those around me based on my exercises, going to lodge meetings, etc., slowly became more important than working. After all, these were the tools whereby I would propitiate the gods of AMORC, the invisible masters, and thereby be further infused with the ability to survive.

This period of my life coincided with Eric Schein's period of "changing," which took some time. This was the period in which all these practices were learned while their importance and meaning were driven home by the exercises.

Indoctrination, which is the main component of the second stage, has simple but fascinating implications when you break down the word. Someone or some group is trying to insert or infuse a doctrine in you, right? In other words, you are ingesting or being injected with a doctrine -- from outside.

Substitute the word program for doctrine, and you have other interesting implications. Ingesting a fundamental doctrine or program for a core belief or a set of core beliefs can completely alter one's life. The conditions under which these programs are delivered are, indeed, often when the initiates are in states of extreme fatigue, semi-starvation, extreme peer pressure, or altered states of consciousness. Is it surprising that people who are in cults are often called "robots" or, one of my favorite terms, "zombies"? They are being run by programs that have stripped them of their true emotions and the vital connection between their intellect and their conscience. These programs shut down their relationship to reality.

Cult doctrines are more like viruses than innocuous or even beneficial beliefs like "Think positive" or "Always keep your eye on the ball." They are often filled with ideas that create in you a sense of superiority to outsiders, a belief in an invincible authority, a deceptive or exaggerated sense of historical events or life in general, as well as a belief in the necessity of propagating the doctrines to others.

Behaviors are shaped subtly at first, then more forcefully. The material that will make up the new identity is doled out gradually, piece-by-piece, only as fast as the person is deemed ready to assimilate it. The rule of thumb is "Tell him only what he can accept." When I was a lecturer in the Moonies, I'd often discuss this tactic with other lecturers. To rationalize our manipulations we would use this analogy. "You wouldn't feed a baby chick pieces of steak, would you? You have to feed it something it can digest, like formula. We, these people (potentially converts) are spiritual babies. Don't tell them more than they can handle, or they will die." If a recruit started getting angry because he was learning too much about us, the person working on him would back off and let another member move in to spoonfeed some pablum. [7]

Beliefs can behave like viruses, which, under certain conditions, can become highly contagious and also damaging. A recruit with a cult virus can become a robot who believes that everybody should be programmed exactly like himself.

Remember the human plants in the original and spin-offs of Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Cult recruits are created to have a "hive mentality," similar also the Borgs featured in the television show Star Trek: The Next Generation. Both the body snatchers and the Borg are robotic, drained of their humanity and personal emotions, but fully synchronized with the thoughts and feelings of others, also with dehumanized robot personalities.

Although telepathic and other powers are prized in AMORC, you don't need to have any of them to develop a hive mentality. Insects, like bees, have hive mentalities, but most of their communication is based on external signals. In communicating the source of honey, scientists theorize that scout bees perform a "waggle dance" to alert other bees to their discoveries. Some scientists say the dance tells all the information that is needed, but others say the dance is just a kind of wake-up call to an odor plume, a trail of pollen aroma that can lead the bees to the flowers bearing the pollen. This is hive mentality, but it is based on external communication.

Someone who has never been "infected" with a cult virus will not have much empathy for an indoctrinated cult member. They often will blame the member for having become so gullible or for staying so long inside the cult before they left.

The average person looks down on those who get involved in cults, get taken in a scam by some operator who bilks people, or remain in an abusive group or relationship for long periods. That only happens to weak and silly people, the person boasts, generating for herself or himself a category called "not me" in which to place the victims of cults, scams, and intense influence. There is an almost universal aversion to accepting the idea that we ourselves are vulnerable to persuasion. I have heard this from journalists, college professors, neighbors, passengers seated next to me on a plane, people I talk with in the street, graduate students, gardeners, salesclerks. Neither education, age, nor social class protects a person from this false sense of invulnerability. [8]

And it is, indeed, hard to explain why a member, knowing what he does, might stay.

My story might explain something about that, as I document the effects of mind control techniques on my own psyche. Yes, I stayed in AMORC for twenty-four years with only one real attempt to leave, which lasted only a few days, though I was dissatisfied with my membership for many, many years. But why did I stay?

If you look at my diary entries, many of which you will read shortly, you will see a man at war with himself. But what it will be difficult for many of you to fathom is the extreme self-division that occurred within me. Sometimes I hated AMORC, and sometimes I loved it beyond belief. But, then, there were times that I was filled with contradictory feelings.

In my confused state, which I believe was the result of having been immersed in an altered state of consciousness, a hypnotic trance of varying degrees, my will to act, my certainty of who I was or what I was to do, was short-circuited. Imagining having a very high fever, say 105 degrees, for twenty-four years. It's hard to believe -- but it's true.

Worse, this state is sustained and reignited by "triggers," small actions, thoughts, feelings, and memories, which the cult injects into a recruit's consciousness. For this reason, at the end of my journey, when I became more aware, candles, the smell of incense, chanting, a handshake, certain gestures, and certain words or phrases all triggered a very different state of mind than my normal state of consciousness.

Remember how it feels to be very, very tired, when the world around you seems to move slowly and at a far distance? The experience of mind control can be compared to something like that. You go into a different place in your mind. Thoughts and feelings that were in the far background in your normal state of consciousness, sometimes contradicting it, now come into the foreground. The whole world seems different, sometimes distorted, with certain feelings of loyalty, duty, or fear now coming to center stage. In this state, you move differently, you talk differently, and, much more alarmingly, you think differently.

Toward the end of my stay at AMORC, it was like my mind was a minefield, with triggers constantly setting me off down distorted and convoluted roads. I was aware of it, but it also victimized me. I knew I was like the Manchurian candidate, a hypnotized robot, but I wasn't free to do anything about it because every time I tried, I would be sent off into an altered state of consciousness.

My schedule at this time shows that I had become "refrozen" into a personality that was driven by my new parameters of personality, created for me in AMORC. The consequence was a loss of practical, everyday reality thinking. In my case, this essential impracticality became more dangerous because I was not providing only for myself. There were other people I was trying to support. The dishwashing job paid $3.75 per hour, and I used that money to pay my rent and buy a bus pass, sending the rest home to my family. I had no money left over for food. The only way I could eat was while I was at my dishwashing station, where I would gratefully devour food left over from the restaurant patrons or given to me by the cooks.

Mandamus 7

In this Mandamus, AMORC claims that intuition is of vital importance -- but, in reality, AMORC destroyed the development of my intuition.

For example, the idea of contacting Niton, which led me to my first great job, is a real example of an intuitive idea that worked successfully at a critical moment in my life. The correlation between my idea to contact Niton and the result was very obvious. I think it is fair to say that my thought of contacting Niton was a "good intuition."

Now, in the case of Niton, this was not some kind of a ritualistically programmed, highly structured, and meticulously formatted request. It is what I would call a natural intuition, a capacity for some kind of spiritual insight that human beings have built into them.

In this monograph, AMORC additionally affirms that it will correct the mistakes of scholarly endeavors in a faulty educational system. AMORC, having successfully trumped traditional modern science, now appears to wish to trump conventional education.

To those embarking on the Rosicrucian journey, this makes AMORC appear as the savior of their disenfranchised minds, rescuing them from the shortcomings of devalued educational programs.

I can attest, as someone who has happily partaken of the American educational system, that it has been far more useful than a twenty-four- hour-a-day indulgence in the flawed teachings of the AMORC monographs.

In light of my comments on intuition, let us return to AMORC'S version of intuition, which is the main subject of this Mandamus and its exercises.

These exercises, they say, will be practiced "for many months and even years to come." So here AMORC is laying the groundwork to occupy members' lives for many years in the future.

If the postulant seeks to know the time, he is advised not to look at a timepiece. Instead, he is asked to close his eyes, putting himself in a state of intuitive receptivity. When the answer comes, he can then consult his timepiece. If the postulant is successful in putting himself in this state of inner receptivity, the exact time will flash into his conscious mind, and he will receive the impression that it is a certain number of minutes after or before the hour.

In this case, the postulant is asked to not question his intuition, but to trust it. In other words, he must not let himself be influenced by any type of reasoning, for that will inhibit him from building his intuitive consciousness. The postulant is told that true intuition comes from interior consciousness, not objective consciousness. In other words, the intuition comes internally, from the subconscious, not from logic or more external or objective ideas derived from the postulant or others.

AMORC affirms that it is possible to receive answers to our spontaneous questions. The only conditions are that these questions be legitimate and acceptable in the view of the Cosmic. The "view of the Cosmic" is loaded language for God's view or "in the eyes of God."

After experimenting with utilizing intuition to tell time, the postulant can now experiment with other scenarios. For instance, when the telephone rings, before the postulant actually picks up the phone, he can ask his inner self who is calling and why. AMORC also recommends that the postulant try this with unopened letters.

The postulant needs to be honest with himself and take his first impression as his answer. If he fails at the beginning, he shouldn't be discouraged but keep on trying until he observes that his answers are more and more right.

He is then asked to test his intuition when he receives a letter in the mail if the sender is not totally obvious. He will ask himself, "Who sent the letter? What is the object of this letter?" Then he puts himself in a state of receptivity and waits for an intuitive answer.

There are two subtly entrapping directives in these "simple but fundamental" experiments. The first is the injunction that you avoid all reasoning when performing the exercise. The second is that you will only pay attention to the first subconscious answer, no matter what it is.

AMORC tells you that there will be many mistakes at the beginning, but progressively, in time, your answers will become more and more exact. In AMORC's teaching, you are progressing toward a heightened state of intuition.

But what if this procedure doesn't work? What if the exercises do not actually produce the intended results? Are you not learning to make decisions by forsaking your reason, your experience, and then to do so, without thinking, entirely spontaneously? Are you not, in fact, subduing the reasoning process? And what if your ego gets in the way, and you begin to buy into a flawed method of making decisions, attributing spontaneous ideas to an evolved intuitive capacity? Where are the controls inherent in these instructions? Should one give over one's decision-making to this kind of intuition without some kind of controls?

Mandamus 8

This monograph is the last of the section of postulants. Any member with a compliant personality is almost completely indoctrinated by now.

The phrase "our mystical fraternity," used in the first paragraph of page one, is an early look at how members will feel about AMORC after they have been indoctrinated. As a matter of fact, the state of mind will be, in a subtle way, created by AMORC so that members will become agents of the cult.

In this monograph, AMORC insists the meditation must take place after contact with and on the level of the celestial sanctum. On the surface, there is nothing wrong with that. But in my opinion, this insistence embodies a form of entrapment.

This statement furthers a highly destructive process in AMORC, the doctrine of the celestial sanctum, which we have mentioned is highlighted in Liber 777.

Since meditation is central to the Rosicrucian study, it is affirmed that true meditation can only begin at the level of the celestial sanctum. So no matter how hard you try, you will always be concerned about whether or not you are attaining this special state of consciousness. This is difficult because the lack of definition of the celestial sanctum and its description does not necessarily lead to a perfect knowledge of its existence: This constant frustration will eventually reach deep into your subconscious, leading you into a state of perpetual confusion.

One of the factors that leads to confusion is AMORC's affirmation that, with the help of the celestial sanctum, it is quite easy for a member to get in touch with Cosmic Consciousness. But without it, there is no chance whatsoever. In fact, the celestial sanctum becomes the very portal of energy and grace that leads you to experience the Divine Presence.

Since mind control depends on creating a new identity within the individual, cult doctrine always requires that a person distrust his own self. The doctrine becomes the "master program" for all thoughts, feelings, and actions. Since it is the truth, perfect and absolute, any flaw in it is viewed as only a reflection of the believer's own imperfection. He is taught that he must follow the prescribed formula even if he doesn't really understand it. At the same time he is said that he should try to work harder and have more faith so he will come to understand the truth more clearly. [9]

Most members, if they are honest with themselves, will have to admit that this level of experience (of what is often called Cosmic Consciousness) is rare, fleeting, or entirely absent from their experience. So they must question whether or not they are reaching the celestial sanctum in their meditative efforts.

The Akashic Records

AMORC talks about the Akashic Records but, in the meantime, creates in the mind of the aspiring adept the belief that there is only one way to establish a spiritual connection to the past, the Rosicrucian way. Through access to the Akashic Records, the whole reality of human and even prehistoric history should open before the astonished adept, because that is where all past reality is stored.

If this and other amazing spiritual treasures can be found, the member becomes determined to have his share. He soon learns, though, that if he is to be able to partake of these great truths, he must comply with the AMORC way without question, for AMORC is the only pure conduit to truth of this great stature.

Ultimately, these writings would transform me into a "zombie." Whenever I internally questioned the Rosicrucian claims, I would immediately begin to think of how these ideas carne from the far past, from what apparently was an unquestioned authority. Then I forced myself to accept doctrines that created great dysfunctionality in my life.

The Curse of Confidentiality

Confidentiality, when used to protect legitimate and even dangerous truths, can be a blessing to an individual or to society. It serves important functions in doctor/patient and attorney/client relations. It enhances the vitality of military and political organizations, which protect a nation's intelligence and military assets. But confidentiality, in the wrong hands, can facilitate wrongdoing.

Religious cults like the Branch Davidians and Jonestown could only have gotten as far as they did by virtue of the members refusing to speak to outsiders, even to the point of refusing to ask for help when they were abused or even in danger of their lives. Although in my opinion AMORC is far less dangerous than rabid, bizarre cults like these, it uses its secrets to undermine the psychological integrity of its members.

One of the major undertones of the monographs, which is evident whenever Rosicrucians converse among themselves, is that members should keep their doubts to themselves. You must live alone with your doubts, which is an unhealthy proposition at best. Your doubts are so confidential that you are really not supposed to entertain them at all.

Even general subjects, such as meditation or the Akashic Records, which "belong to the Rosicrucian tradition," are not to be shared with outsiders. Although some communication is permitted between members of a certain degree regarding doctrines, this takes place without any real critical scrutiny.

If AMORC happens to be making claims that you have trouble believing, you must live with it.

Adolf Hitler would have the same solution for the doubts of his followers. Mafia organizations require the same level of commitment from their followers, threatening them with death and destruction if they leave. The Mafia cuts your throat if you leave; AMORC simply cuts you off from the egregore, the only path to God.

Mandamus 8 tells postulants to meditate during the next few days. They should choose a problem strictly material, familial, social, or purely philosophical and submit that problem to the Cosmic. Later on, AMORC will add, "Then do not think about it."

Several years after I had read this Mandamus for the first time, at the end of the fourth temple degree, I took an exam that asked the question, "Why are you pursuing a mystical path?" My answer was that I was seeking spiritual enlightenment or some such philosophical answer.

My own answer surprised me, given that I had already gone through hell in quest of an AMORC dream world. I had already had the experience of being homeless. I should have known that something was unhealthy about the manner of a spiritual quest that should have dealt with practical problems of survival but didn't.

A few hours after answering that question, I was at a bus stop near Seventy-Ninth Street and Second Avenue when I suddenly realized that my rent at the Gauthier house was almost due, and I didn't have a clue how to get it. The idea came to me to go to the public library, a few feet from the bus stop, to find a book to help me improve the way I was managing my life financially. But then I had second thoughts. I realized that my reason for staying in AMORC was, as I had written, spiritual enlightenment, a thought that counteracted my need to satisfy my material needs. Somehow leaving AMORC could be a betrayal of my primary purpose for joining, which was, essentially, a noble spiritual goal.

The problem, then, was that I was too confused and lost to really question whether a true solution to spiritual enlightenment could disallow solving basic material problems of day-to-day existence. After all, there are major strains of various religions, from certain Catholic monastic orders to Buddhist and Hindu postulants, who tell us that poverty is good.

But AMORC never made claims about the value of poverty. AMORC's promise included the promise of prosperity. So I should have realized that the question of spiritual enlightenment and material well-being do not necessarily cancel each other out. And the fact that AMORC's exercises and philosophy did not allow me to achieve my goals with any kind of reasonable speed should have cast more doubt on the specific instructions of AMORC on how to achieve those objectives, if I truly believed they could coexist.

I should not have let my half-digested thoughts and internal conflicts over staying with AMORC remain unresolved. I believe now that it was the weight of my subconscious programmed disposition to believe AMORC -- a consequence of my refrozen cult personality -- that led me to remain in a path that neither nurtured me materially nor satisfied me spiritually. If I had looked at it carefully and rethought it, I could have changed the course of my existence.

How I Lost the Job and How AMORC Manipulated Me from Above

October 1983

One day, I didn't have to go to school.

I was supposed to take the 2:00 or 3:00 PM bus to go to work. It was raining heavily, and I didn't have an umbrella. On the advice of Suzette, Charlestine's daughter, I called my boss and told him that I would be late because of the rain.

He told me, "Okay," and to see him before I started working. When I got there and visited his office, he said, "Go home, I don't want to use you anymore." I went home, now out of a job.

Beginning of the Ultimate Manipulation

October 1983

Robert Lifton, a strong influence on Steven Hassan and Margaret Thaler Singer, is one of the pioneers in the study of brainwashing and mind control. He lists eight themes involved in the process of brainwashing. Lifton's themes are described by Singer in her book, Cults in Our Midst. [10] They boil down to something like this:

1. Milieu control: control of communication in the group

2. Loaded language: utilizing cult jargon to constrain the thinking of members and to create a more insulated cult world

3. Demand for purity: having members judge themselves and the world solely by the standards demanded by the cult

4. Confession: having members make confessions to group or leaders. Singer calls this technique purge and merge, indicating how confessions of this sort, based on the cult's unique standards, help members merge into the hive mind of the cult

5. Mystical manipulation: looking at behavior in such a way that it verifies the member's purpose and role in the group

6. Doctrine over person: revising personal history to fit into the cult group more easily

7. Sacred science: putting the leader in a rich and almost sacred historical context

8. Dispensing of existence: implying that somehow the cult is "the governors of enlightenment, and all outsiders are lower beings."

One of the AMORC exercises is called the "Day of Reintegration." This became intertwined in an event that I believe is related to the Lifton concept of mystical manipulation. On the Day of Reintegration, you eat fruit in the morning, drink a lot of water, and pray and/ or meditate every two to three hours. You then eat vegetables (only a very small amount), have a one-hour siesta, and then take a long walk in a natural setting in the afternoon. The tricky part of this exercise was the injunction to "make the Day of Reintegration a habit."

After I lost my job, I decided to have a Day of Reintegration the following Sunday. On that day, I had a light breakfast and lunch. After a brief siesta, I took a lengthy bus ride to the south in search of a place to take a long walk. I wound up walking down many blocks in a neighborhood where affluent white and Latino people lived.

After my long walk, I got the next bus that was coming from Coral Gables going in the direction of my house. As I got to the bus, I saw Jose, a guy who used to be a cook at my first dishwashing job. I was very happy to see Jose. He told me that he no longer worked for the restaurant we met at and that he was now a chef at a new Mexican restaurant called Viva Zapata. He told me he would give me a dishwashing job, and I was very happy indeed.

I took that chance meeting as proof that if I complied with AMORC instructions, I would obtain my green card so that I could go to college and help my family. I attributed my meeting with Jose to my successfully completing the Day of Reintegration exercise. Indeed, if I had not practiced the exercise, I would not have met Jose on the bus where he offered me a job.

By the way, about two miles from the place where I was living was a beautiful lake surrounded by a park. That was a perfect place for a walk in nature. So, after all that, if I had been thinking about it, I should have taken a walk right near my house. But as I thought about this, my roundabout digression to another place seemed even more miraculous. It was as though I was forgetful of the nearby park because the Cosmic had intended it so.

My thoughts about this are an example of what Singer calls mystical manipulation from above. It is true that there was a synchronistic experience. If I hadn't looked for a specific spot, I wouldn't have met Jose. But it is not true that it was necessarily due to AMORC's teachings.

One could look at my serendipitous meeting with Jose as pure luck. One could look at it as a benign act of God. Or, I suppose, you could look at it as a result of certain metaphysical exercises I engaged in. But I can say this: when you start to look at events in your life and reframe them as due exclusively to the influence of a cult that you belong to, you have fallen into a major form of entrapment, because soon you may wind up looking at everything this way.

By this time, I had begun to look back over my life and had seen certain events, like my good fortune in finding a ride to Port-Au- Prince with my mother's friend, finding a job with Ritz, enrollment in engineering school, and my first job in the industry, as an effect of AMORC's benign influence. My whole life, before and after joining AMORC, appeared to be guided by the invisible masters according to a grand plan fostered by AMORC's egregore.

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