|
THE PRISONER OF SAN JOSE: HOW I ESCAPED FROM ROSICRUCIAN MIND CONTROL |
|
EIGHT: Adventures in the Lodge After about a year as a member of the Miami lodge, I began a series of exercises that destroyed my self-esteem and many other important aspects of my life. I was working as a dishwasher in a Mexican restaurant (located in Coral Gables) for $3.75 per hour. After paying AMORC dues, paying my rent of $80 a month, and buying a bus pass for $30 a month, I sent what was left to my mother. Typically, I wore some very cheap clothes that I bought at the Salvation Army store. I was so poorly dressed that I decided to avoid the social period at the lodge. For that reason, in general, I took the last bus so that I arrived at the Miami lodge right before the convocation. One day, when I got to the lodge, I observed that the door was locked. I had arrived late. Coming up to the door, I could feel, for a moment, the power of the lodge, an almost magnetic presence amplified by the concentration and power of its members. In a moment of silent recognition, I realized that I was one of the components of this magnificent presence. Yes, by now I was sufficiently developed spiritually to realize the reality of that power and sufficiently strong enough myself to be active in creating and amplifying the spiritual presence within this sacred building. How could I fail to participate in such an important function? In these thoughts, I forgot about the deceptions and problems with the teachings. I knocked on the door. I wanted to go in but could not. Now I longed for the convocation. Forgetting everything, as I said, I longed for the experience of that special presence in that lodge. But then my thoughts turned negative. Now instead of being glad, I became fiercely hurt that I had missed the convocation. This was my special home, a rare place to share the unique power of AMORC with others of like mind. Instead of rejoicing, I therefore voiced the following personal and fateful decision: "From now on I will come to the lodge early enough so that I will not risk being late for my convocation. I will ignore the fact that I am dressed in clothes that are not even fit to be worn at my dishwasher station." I thought to myself, as I had many times before, "Since AMORC teaches that the personality disappears, and since AMORC teaches that humility is the key to spiritual enlightenment, maybe this is the way I am being tested before I obtain the knowledge that AMORC will pass on to me." So I kept coming to the lodge on time, trying to avoid people any way I could. I would be the first one to enter the "temple" once the bell was rung. I went to the bathroom more often than necessary, to minimize social contact. Once the convocation ended, I would be the first one to get out the door and leave. Thus, I didn't participate in the social event that followed the lodge convocation. How I Became an Officer of the Miami Lodge One day, the fraters and sorors of the lodge were planning for the following year's officers. They could not find anyone to fill the supply position. Paulette pointed to me and said, "What about this little one? He always sits here quietly." She asked me if I wanted to sell supplies for the coming year. The first thing that came to my mind was that if I did, I would not be able to avoid social contact at the lodge. But then many statements from the monographs about the importance of serving in the lodge also came to mind. I had always had one goal in the United States: obtaining my green card so that I could become eligible to obtain financial aid to go to college. With a college education, I could get a good job and get my two sisters and my mother out of poverty in Haiti. At that point, I realized that I needed God. But AMORC, at that time, had become my only connection to God. So I did everything possible to be in harmony with the egregore of AMORC and prove myself to AMORC. Serving in the lodge would be a sure way of proving to AMORC that I was worthy of its blessing. I juggled these thoughts and many others in my mind for a solid week. The next week I told Paulette that I would accept the position of selling supplies in the lodge. So when my term started two months later, I arrived at the lodge every Sunday an hour before the convocation, as I was required to do to sell supplies. To minimize my social contact, I put my chair next to the supply cabinet with my back turned toward the group that was socializing. Prior to me, the person selling supplies usually faced the social group and socialized with them while handling sales. I felt that I didn't have the most pleasant appearance but that I had to do what I believed to be my duty. While selling supplies, I pretended to be busy, cleaning the cabinet, counting money, or rearranging the books. I did all these things to minimize social interaction. Once the bell rang for convocation, I closed the cabinet and entered the lodge. After convocation, I resumed my duty as before the convocation. After this was over, I went to my job as a dishwasher. I didn't complain, because I knew I was successfully passing the necessary test to earn the blessing of AMORC. I also felt specially obligated to serve, given the "miraculous" way in which I had found my current dishwashing job. By the way, in order to accommodate the current lodge duty obligation, I had to ask my boss to rearrange my Sunday dishwashing job schedule for me. He decided it was worthwhile to keep me happy because I was an excellent dishwasher and very fast in doing my job. I performed well on busy nights and also supported the cooks well. But in my mind, I believed that he accommodated me because of my mystical power and because I was doing "Cosmic duty."
The Test of English as a Foreign Language (TOEFL) Test As previously mentioned, I forced myself not to think about my green card "because it was already done." So I registered to take a TOEFL test. The test was scheduled at Miami-Dade Community College, on the north campus. On the day of the test, I carried with me a lot of AMORC advertising flyers that the French grand lodge had sent to me. I was very zealous in passing out the flyers to the students who were about to take the test. Deep inside of me that day, I was reminding myself that I had earned the blessing of what would come my way -- in the form of my green card. Little did I know that I was going to be humiliated for more than twenty years by AMORC. The restaurant eventually let me go, and I was again without a job. A friend had noted my crazy schedule and how I had to take buses late at night. He recommended that I get into the taxi business. At my dishwashing job, I'd had to make long, strenuous trips late at night. One of the worst parts was when I got off the bus at 114th Street and 7th Avenue. From there, I had to walk from 7th Avenue to 13th Avenue. The street was filled with dogs, all of them bigger than me. Dogs chased me almost every night. Since I could not run faster than these dogs, I tried to rely on the power of my thoughts to conquer the situation. I tried to make it look like I wasn't afraid, as other people had instructed me, thinking this would fend them off. Make no mistake: this did not work. Furthermore, let me tell you that, as a burgeoning Rosicrucian adept, there is nothing that hurts one's pride more than being chased by dogs on a regular basis. The insane schedule and the slobbering, hateful dogs became serious factors in my decision-making. I prepared to get my license and start driving a taxi. The first few days as a taxi driver were difficult, because I started spending too much of my time at home doing AMORC exercises and monographs. Then I started driving at the airport, where I spent all my time waiting in the taxi holding area with the AMORC monographs. As a taxi driver, I worked mostly in the airport, where my active working schedule was approximately six hours a day. I spent the remaining time in the airport taxi holding area, reading Rosicrucian monographs and practicing Rosicrucian exercises from twelve to eighteen hours a day.
But I promise eventually to make an honest evaluation of my affiliation with AMORC. With this evaluation, I will decide whether I want to continue on the Rosicrucian path.
|