Possibly better than tootsie rolls, illustrated screenplays are tasty little nuggets of cinematic flavor in a convenient pdf wrapper. Download and read your favorite movie in a quarter of the time it takes to watch it. And you can grab quotes and images.
YOU ARE REQUIRED TO READ THE COPYRIGHT NOTICE AT THIS LINK BEFORE YOU READ THE FOLLOWING WORK, THAT IS AVAILABLE SOLELY FOR PRIVATE STUDY, SCHOLARSHIP OR RESEARCH PURSUANT TO 17 U.S.C. SECTION 107 AND 108. IN THE EVENT THAT THE LIBRARY DETERMINES THAT UNLAWFUL COPYING OF THIS WORK HAS OCCURRED, THE LIBRARY HAS THE RIGHT TO BLOCK THE I.P. ADDRESS AT WHICH THE UNLAWFUL COPYING APPEARED TO HAVE OCCURRED. THANK YOU FOR RESPECTING THE RIGHTS OF COPYRIGHT OWNERS.
Warner Brothers Presents a Guber Peters Co. Production. James Foley Film. Starring Madonna, Griffin Dunne, Haviland Morris, John McMartin, Bibi Besch, and Sir John Mills. Screenplay by Andrew Smith and Ken Finkleman. Produced by Rosilyn Heller and Bernard Williams. Directed by James Foley.
[Transcribed from the movie by Tara Carreon]
[Music] I’ve got the moves, baby You got the motion If we got together We’d be causing a commotion I’ve got the moves, baby You got the motion If we got together We’d be causing a commotion You met your match when you met me I know that you will disagree, it’s crazy But opposites attract, you’ll see And I won’t let you get away so easy The love you save may be your own Can’t fight this feeling Aren’t you tired of being alone You won’t admit it, but you know it’s true It’s not a secret how I feel When I stand next to you I’ve got the moves, baby You got the motion If we got together We’d be causing a commotion I’ve got the moves, baby You got the motion If we got together We’d be causing a commotion I hope you find what you’re lookin’ for Is it mine, walk through that door We’re wastin’ time, make up your mind And get into the groove Then we can keep our love alive And when it falls We won’t let it die It doesn’t matter if you win or lose It’s how you play the game So get into the groove I’ve got the moves, baby You got the motion If we got together We’d be causing a commotion I’ve got the moves, baby You got the motion If we got together We’d be causing a commotion Causing a commotion Causing a commotion
[FOUR YEARS LATER]
[Parole Board] Nicole Finn.
[Nikki] That's me.
[Parole Board] After reviewing your record, it is the opinion of this board that you have responded positively to the rehabilitation program. It is also our opinion that you have served sufficient time in this institution as punishment for the crime you committed. Parole granted.
[Nikki] May I smoke?
[Parole Board Officer] Yes, of course.
[Nikki] Thank you.
[Parole Board] Ms. Finn -- the terms of your parole are quite specific. As soon as you leave here, you are to go directly to the bus station. You are going home to Pennsylvania. Uh, Philadelphia. You are to report immediately to your parole officer, and every two weeks thereafter. Do you have any questions?
[Nikki] Yeah -- you got any mascara?
***
[Tiger] ROAR!
[Shipping] Holy Shit! We can't store that thing!
[Shipping] Don't worry about it. They're sending somebody down to pick it up.
[Messenger] Hi. How are ya? You got a package for ... Mr. Montgomery Bell?
[Shipping] There you go.
[Tiger] ROAR!
*** [Loudon] Sir, I'm not an animal trainer -- I'm a tax attorney. What's the problem?
[Shipping] I'm trying to tell you -- the messenger you sent refused to pick it up.
[Loudon] Hell, it's just a cat, right? I mean, couldn't he put it in his satchel? Doesn't he have a little cat satchel?
[Shipping] Mr. Trott, when you say cat, I don't think you understand.
[Loudon] No, sir, I don't think you understand. Do you know who that cat belongs to? Montgomery Bell.
[Shipping] Yeah? The real estate guy?
[Loudon] Look, Shipping. Bell is my career, okay? Montgomery Bell equals Trott's career. Now, I need that cat uptown.
[Beeping]
[Shipping] What's that sound?
[Loudon] That's my fiancee.
[Wendy] Good morning, Dunbar.
[Priscilla] Congratulations, Ms. Worthington.
[Wendy] Thank you, Priscilla.
[Employee] Congratulations!
[Wendy] Thank you.
[Mildred] Oh, congratulations Ms. Worthington.
[Wendy] Thank you, Mildred.
[Loudon] [On phone] Well, I understand that. I understand that.
[Wendy] Stop it!
[Loudon] [On phone] Hold on one sec.
[To Wendy] Hi, Wendy, I'll be with you in a moment.
[Wendy] Loudon, did you call the caterers?
[Loudon] Yes, I did dear. It's all taken care of.
[Wendy] I called them too, just to be sure. Oh, by the way, my cousin Heidi can't make it. So that leaves only 94 for my side!
[Loudon] Well, honey, just why don't you take one from my side? Okay? [On phone] I'm sorry. I can't hear what you're saying.
[Shipping] I said, the little kitty cat can't stay here. Nobody comes and picks it up by closing, I'm going to put it back on the boat.
[Loudon] Oh, no. No, no, no. Do not do that. Do you hear me? I'm going to come by after I pick up the tux, at 11:25. Now listen -- this animal is very valuable to me, so if you could keep your eye on it, you know, don't, don't let it out of it's cage.
[Shipping] Right. [To fellow employee] He suggests we keep it in a cage.
[Tiger] ROAR!
***
[Wendy] Darling, don't forget. 11:10 you're being fitted for your tuxedo, and you're meeting us at 12:30 for lunch.
[Loudon] Got it. I'm on top of it here.
[Employee] So where are the two of you going for your honeymoon?
[Wendy] Oh, we've decided to postpone our honeymoon for a couple of years. Daddy has big plans for Loudon. There'll be plenty of time for fun later.
[Beeping]
[Loudon] It's Master's voice.
[Wendy] My father is waiting for us upstairs.
[Everyone] Oh.
[Wendy] Loudon, I want you to know this prenuptial thing wasn't my idea.
[Loudon] I know that dear.
[Employee] Now which lace did you choose?
[Wendy] None of them!
[Employee] Oh.
[Loudon] [To Buck] Can I help you?
[Wendy] Loudon! This is Buck. We're receiving so many presents, they've assigned us our own E.P.C. driver. We have arrived!
[Buck] How's it hangin'?
[Loudon] It's, uh, hangin' okay. Thanks for asking, Buck.
***
[Nikki] Doom doom, mm, mm! Doom doom, mm mm! Doom doom, mm mm! Doom doom, mm mm! Doom doom, mm mm! Doom doom, mwa. Doom doom, mm mm! Doom doom, mm mm! Doom doom, mwa. Doom doom, mm mm! Doom doom ...
***
[Mr. Worthington] But she's only served four years. I understood she was going to do the full seven. Good behavior? I see. And where is she going? Philadelphia? And her parole officer there is expecting her? Uh- huh. How can you make sure she gets on the bus? So your people won't actually see her get on the bus? Well, thanks for calling Milton, and I really appreciate it. Give my love to Lisa and little Kenny and Devin. I mean your wife, Phyllis. You have no kids.
[Wendy] Daddy -- which of these do you like for our stemware?
[Mr. Worthington] Honey, it's your wedding. It's your decision entirely.
[PING!]
[Mr. Worthington] That one.
[Wendy] I win!
[Lackey Attorney] Just finished, Mr. Worthington!
[Mr. Worthington] Ah! Good work, boys. Ha ha! Well, here we are, son. Just sign there.
[PRE-NUPTIAL AGREEMENT]
[Loudon] What's this? What are these?
[Mr. Worthington] Oh, just a few do's and dont's. You don't have to read it, son. Basically, what it says is that everything I own -- the cars, the houses, the business -- someday none of it will be yours.
[Mrs. Worthington] Isn't this civilized?
[Mr. Worthington] Done. Now everyone, if you would, excuse me? I would like to talk to my son-in-law alone for a moment.
[Wendy] EEK!
[Mrs. Worthington] Be gentle with him, dear.
[Loudon] Sir, I think I know what you're going to say, and I want you to know that I will try to make Wendy as happy as I can.
[Mr. Worthington] Oh, hell, that doesn't matter, son, as long as you sign the agreement. Something came up today, Loudon. A woman named Nicki Finn is being paroled from Rockford Correctional this afternoon. They're sending her home to Philadelphia. I want you to drive her to the bus station.
[Loudon] That's it?
[Mr. Worthington] That's it. Drive her to the bus station. It's a mile and a half. It will take you five minutes. I want to make sure she gets on the bus.
[Loudon] Who is she? A client?
[Mr. Worthington] No, no, no. This is a public service policy the firm is trying to initiate. We're trying to give back something to the community.
[Loudon] You mean, like a charity?
[Mr. Worthington] Exactly.
[Loudon] What have you done with the real Mr. Worthington?
[Sword] [WHOOSH, WHOOSH]
[Loudon] Listen, Sir, today is really the worst possible day for me.
[Mr. Worthington] I was thrilled when you and Wendy decided to get engaged. You know that?
[Loudon] Sir, you set my desk on fire.
[Mr. Worthington] No, I didn't.
[Loudon] Yes, Sir. You burst into my office with a five gallon can of gasoline --
[Mr. Worthington] I overreacted, I can see that now! My point is, you have tremendous potential, Loudon. Partner. Senior Partner. And you know why? You can be counted on.
[Loudon] Alright. Alright. Let me just see here. Uh, I can squeeze it in between Bell's cat and lunch, I guess.
[Mr. Worthington] Good. I won't forget this, Loudon. Operation Prisoner Shuttle is very important to me. Now remember, put the girl on the bus personally. I know you won't let me down.
***
[JAIL DOOR SLAMS]
[Prisoner] Yo.
[Nikki] Cigarette concession's all yours, Judy.
[Judy] Thanks, Nikki. Don't do nothin' I wouldn't do, eh?
[Nikki] They haven't invented what you wouldn't do. Later Marilyn.
[Marilyn] Later, Nikki baby.
[Donovan] Come on! Move it!
***
[HORN PLAYS MELODY]
[Loudon] Hello, I spoke to you on the phone. I'm here to pick up Mr. Montgomery Bells' cat.
[Tiger] ROAR!
[Loudon] Oh, shit! This thing ate Mr. Bell's cat?'
[Shipping] No, Einstein, that is the cat.
[Tiger] GROWL!
[Shipping] Look, one Patagonian Felis Concolor. Says here, they're almost extinct. There's only four of them left in the world. Apparently, this species only mates once every 26 months. It says here tonight's the night. Sign on the X.
[Guard] One black leather jacket. One plastic comb, blue. Two leather-studded bracelets, black. And one lipstick: fire-engine red.
[Donovan] All your worldly possessions.
[Nikki] Don't knock it Donovan. You can't get this shade of red anymore.
[Butch Cop] She hasn't changed since I busted her four years ago.
[Gay Cop] Well, I still say we're wasting our time.
[Butch Cop] Maybe, maybe not. I always had a hunch somebody else was involved in the case. I think she's going to try and find whoever it is.
[Gay Cop] Do you think she knows we're here?
***
[Tiger] ROAR!
[ABSOLUTELY NO VISITORS BEYOND THIS POINT]
[Nikki] Need some help with that, Donovan? I'm out of here.
[Donovan] You ain't free till you're through that door. Move it!
[Loudon] Hello. I'm here to pick up a Miss Nicole Finn.
[Guard] That's her.
[Nikki] Am I free now?
[Donovan] Yeah, you're free.
[Nikki] Good.
[PUNCHES DONOVAN]
[Donovan] Did you see what she did? Get her back in here, now!
[Guard] You want her back here?
[Donovan] Hell, no!
[Nikki] Be nice.
[Loudon] Excuse me. Sorry, sorry. Excuse me, Miss Finn? Miss Finn? Excuse me! Miss Finn?
[Nikki] Hello.
[Loudon] Hello. My name is Trott, Louden Trott. I'm an attorney with Worthington, Ferris and Clarke ... and we're initiating a new public service program. It's called "Operation Prisoner Shuttle."
[Nikki] Operation Prisoner Shuttle?
[Loudon] Yes. What we do is provide recently paroled people, such as yourself, rides to wherever they wish to go.
[Nikki] Isn't that sweet? Is that your car, Loudon?
[Loudon] Yes. Well no, it's not my car, it's my family's car. Well, they're not really my family yet. I'm more of a Volvo man, myself. It's a pretty car, just a little overstated for my taste. But it um --
[ENGINE STARTS]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[Loudon] Excuse me. Not funny. Alright, alright, just stop right here.
[Gay Cop] No, no, no babe, let's take this car.
[Butch Cop] What?
[Gay Cop] This thing says undercover cop all over it.
[Butch Cop] Yeah, right -- we'll take the one that has pretentious asshole written all over it. Oh, God! Oh!
[Gay Cop] Don't slam -- God.
[Loudon] Fine, fine. Just go straight ahead. The bus station's straight ahead.
[Tiger] GROWL!
[Nikki] Neat! You got a tiger.
[Loudon] No, it's a Patagonian Felis Concolor. There's only four of them left in the whole world. Going on three.
[Nikki] What's his name? Hi, baby.
[Loudon] Lady, I don't know his name, I'm just delivering him. Where's my seat belt?!
[Nikki] How about Murray?
[Loudon] How about Murray what?
[Nikki] How about Murray the tiger? If there's only four left, it's not likely there's another Murray. Am I right?
[Loudon] I guess there's a certain logic to that?
[HORN HONKS]
[Loudon] Oh dear Lord.
[Nikki] Hang on, Murray!
[Loudon] God. God.
[Nikki] Hey -- a mall!
[Loudon] Are you out of your mind? Easy! Please no! Holy smoke!
[Nikki] See -- you park on the slant so nobody scratches.
[Loudon] Okay, that's it. Fine. Nobody's hurt. Nobody's hurt.
[Nikki] Loudon, don't be mad at me, okay? It's just that I've been stuck in that cage for four years ... and I just went a little crazy, and it won't happen again.
[Loudon] You're right! You're right! This will not happen again!
[Nikki] But as long as we're here, can we go in for a few seconds?
[Loudon] No!
[Nikki] Please?
[Loudon] No!
[Nikki] Why not? My bus doesn't leave for a half hour, and I can't go back to Philly without any presents for my mom. She thinks I've been shopping.
[Loudon] Shopping? For four years?
[Nikki] Uh-huh. So I can't exactly go back empty-handed, because it isn't very nice.
[Loudon] Alright, alright. Fifteen minutes, and then straight to the bus station. You promise?
[Nikki] Promise.
[Loudon] Who are you?
[Gay Cop] Who's the guy?
[Butch Cop] I don't know. A wild card. Damn it!
[Gay Cop] Hey! Listen, don't slam, don't --
***
[Nikki] What?
[Loudon] Come on, Miss Finn, it's getting late. Hey, look, the clerk forgot to take the tag off this one!
[Nikki] How about that.
[BEEPING]
[Loudon] Well, that's it. Fifteen minutes. Come on, come on. I'm getting worried about the cat. The Patagonian Felis. Murray.
[Nikki] Is there a later bus?
[Loudon] No. No. There's not.
[Nikki] Isn't there a 1:45?
[Loudon] No, they canceled that one. It was in the paper this morning.
[Nikki] Ah, gee, because there's something else I gotta do.
[Loudon] Oh, now, come on. We had a deal. You said you would go straight to the bus station.
[Nikki] I will. Just gotta make a little detour. To 735 135th street, Apartment 6.
[Loudon] That's Harlem. What's in Harlem?
[Nikki] Nothing special. Just gotta get a gun.
[Loudon] A gun? A gun? Absolutely not. No way. No. No can do. Sorry.
[Nikki] Look, it'll take us a half an hour, max. 10 minutes to get there, 5 minutes to make the connection. We'll be there in plenty of time to make the 1:45, and you'll never see me again, except maybe in your dreams.
[Loudon] Nightmares. Nightmares is the word you're looking for, Miss Finn.
[Nikki] Nikki.
[Loudon] Miss Nikki.
[Nikki] Nah, Miss Finn.
[Loudon] Miss Nifkin. Listen, listen ... you've been out of prison exactly twenty three minutes. Now, I'm not a criminal lawyer, no, but I suspect it's very illegal --
[Nikki] Hey, meet me out front. I gotta ditch this guy.
[Loudon] So my advice to you is to seek some professional help. I mean, get a job or something. You know, even a menial job at this point --
[ALARM]
[Security] I got you!
[Loser] Oh, hey. No. I swear I didn't take nothing. What are you doing?
[Nikki] Let's get out of here. There's nothing here I want.
[Security] What is this?
[Loser] Beethoven? Oh, give me a break.
[Nikki] Good work, pal. Lock him up and throw away the key. Hah!
[Security] Thanks, ma'am. I knew you were up to no good.
***
[Nikki] Loudon, I've been thinking it over. You know, you're right. I don't need any more trouble in my life. I'm going to get on that bus and go back to Philly, start all over again.
[Loudon] Well, I think you're doing the right thing.
[Nikki] Yeah. Thanks for everything. Goodbye Murray. I'm going to miss you most of all.
[Loudon] Wait, I'm driving you.
[Nikki] No, you've done enough for me already.
[Tiger] PURRING.
[Loudon] But, I'm supposed to make sure you get on the bus.
[Tiger] PURRING.
[Loudon] Come on, get in.
[Nikki] Can I drive?
[Loudon] No! Absolutely not!
[Tiger] GROWL!
[Loudon] Alright. Maybe.
[Tiger] GROWL!
[Loudon] Alright. But no tricks.
[Nikki] No tricks.
[Loudon] You promise?
[Nikki] I promise. I promise. No tricks. Hey, Loudon. Guess what? Tricks! [CRASH] Sorry!
[Butch Cop] They're getting away.
[Loudon] Oh, my God. You robbed that store! Where are we going?
[Nikki] I robbed nothing. When you rob a store, you stick up the cashier. I boosted a few tapes. There's a bit of a difference.
[Loudon] Alright. I didn't want to do this, but I have no choice. Citizen's arrest.
[Nikki] Citizen's arrest? Kid, you're so cute. Here it is.
[Loudon] Oh, my God!
[Nikki] We'll make it!
[Loudon] I'll accept anything but a tie!
[Music] I've tried and tried to get next to you My friends say I am blind, I'll never break through
[Music] But I don't give in so easily This I know, you just wait and see This I know, you just wait and see I know that you're afraid that I might Come steal your heart away in the night But I can't take away what's not mine You'll see, you'll come to me in time, can't stop Can't stop thinking about you babe, can't stop Can't stop screaming and shouting your name, can't stop Look out boy 'cause I'm going to the top Of your list, can't stop
[POLICE SIREN]
[Nikki] Now look what you've done.
[Tiger] GROWL!
[Cop] Alright, get out of the car with your hands up.
[Nikki] Oh, officer, thank god you found us. See, my husband's having a heart attack and we got to get him to the hospital. Is this the way?
[Cop] Let me see your license.
[Nikki] I don't have a license. You see, I was only driving because it was an emergency, and I mean, look at him!
[Loudon] Ah! Help me!
***
[Nikki] Listen, you're in real good hands. Oh God, he's so young!
[Nurse] Are you his wife?
[Nikki] Uh-huh.
[Nurse] I'm going to need some information. What's the patient's name?
[Nikki] Loudon.
[Nurse] Uh-huh. Loudon what?
[Nikki] Clear.
[Nurse] Loudon Clear. Mrs. Clear have you noticed anything wrong with your husband recently?
[Nikki] Well, he hasn't exactly been Valentino in the sack lately, if that's what you mean.
[Loudon] Ah!
[Nikki] Oh, God! Hey, he's hysterical. Can't you give him something? I mean, help! He's in agony!
[Loudon] Ah! Ah. Ah.
***
[Loudon] No.
[Nurse] How are you feeling Mr. Clear?
[Loudon] My wallet, my clothes.
[Nurse] Oh, your wife took everything home. She's going to be back later with your pajamas.
[Loudon] My wife? Oh, my God. She didn't take the Rolls?
[Nurse] Oh, it's a beautiful car. She gave some of the girls a ride in it.
[Loudon] Oh no, no, no -- not Mrs. Worthington's Rolls Royce?
[Nurse] Mm-hmm.
[Loudon] But Murray's in it.
[Nurse] Mm-hmm.
[Loudon] She's got Murray!
[Nurse] Mm-hmm.
[Loudon] Harlem! Harlem! I've got to get to Harlem!
[Nurse] Mr. Clear! Oh, Mr. -- you can't go anywhere. We still have to run more tests.
[Loudon] My name is not Clear, and I'm perfectly, perfectly fine. I'm a lawyer, see, I'm a lawyer, see, and I know my rights. I'm going to Harlem. What is wrong with this door?
[Nurse] Well, you just -- you just have to push.
[Loudon] Yeah. Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! Taxi!
Okay. 735 135th Street! Step on it!
[Taxi Driver] Sure thing. I'm not supposed to pick up anybody without their clothes on. Company policy. Damn good policy, too.
[Gun Punk] 9 millimeter, semiautomatic only 33 moving parts.
[Nikki] Yap Yap Yap Yap!
[Gun Punk] For easy stripping and uh, cleaning. 27 ounces, fits in your pocketbook, light and deadly. A favorite with the ladies.
[Nikki] Very nice.
[Gun Punk] The ever popular .44 magnum with chrome finish -- effective but common. And for more serious self-defense ... you've got your AK47 Soviet Assault rifle. Or the AUGSA 45 millimeter, really the cutting edge of automatic fire power.
[Nikki] Now you're talkin'. Hah!
[Gun Punk] I got assault knives, 10-inch blades, car stereos, compact disc players, watches, video cameras, I've got bootleg tapes, I've got Italian suits, shoes, designer jeans --
[Taxi Driver] Oh, you're gettin' married, are you?
[Loudon] Yup. Tomorrow at 12, I'm marrying Wendy Worthington.
[Taxi Driver] You? Nah. You marry Wendy Worthington? I can't see it. You're not her type.
[Loudon] You know Wendy?
[Taxi Driver] Sure -- Wendy from Scarsdale. I had her in the cab once.
[Loudon] Well, just because you happened to have given her a ride doesn't mean you know her type.
[Taxi Driver] I didn't say I gave her a ride. I said I had her in the cab. Well, here we are. That'll be $6.50.
[Loudon] I don't have any money.
[Taxi Driver] Ah, forget it. Any friend of Wendy's --
[Loudon] Hey! Hey! Get away from there! Go on! Get away! No! No! No! Get off! Get away! This is my stuff. This is my car. Put that down.
[Vandal] What's wrong with you?
[Loudon] What ...
[Vandal] Come on.
[Loudon] But -- hey! What are you doing? Don't do that! Don't do that! Uh-huh. Oh, my God! There was a Patagonian Felis in here. A Patagonian Felis was in this cage. Murray? Murray! Come here, boy. Here kitty, kitty -- God damn it! Come on. Cut that out. Leave it, leave it.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[Vandal] Hello. No, this is not Loudon. [To Loudon] Loudon? You Loudon?
[Loudon] Yeah.
[Vandal] Telephone.
[Loudon] Hello?
[Mr. Worthington] Loudon? How's it going, son?
[Loudon] Oh, Mr. Worthington. Sir, actually there's been a wrinkle or two at this end.
[Mr. Worthington] You did take care of that charitable errand we discussed, didn't you?
[Loudon] Actually, the charitable errand missed the bus.
[Mr. Worthington] That's not what I want to hear, Loudon.
[Loudon] But I'm going to have her on the next one, guaranteed. No problem. [To Vandal] Stop that.
[Mr. Worthington] I see.
[Loudon] Uh, sir, how dangerous is this person?
[Mr. Worthington] Her bark is much worse than her bite.
[Loudon] Well, what does she bite, sir? It's important that I know that.
[Mr. Worthington] I think we'd all be a lot happier on this most joyous of weekends if Nikki Finn were far, far away.
[Loudon] Oh, I couldn't agree with that more, Sir. She'll be on the next bus. Guaranteed. No problem.
[Mr. Worthington] I hope so. Here's Wendy.
[Wendy] Loudon? Where are you sweetie? We've already finished the first course.
[Loudon] I'm in, uh, Scarsdale.
[Vandal] Yeah, check this out!
[Loudon] Why don't you, why don't you go ahead and order without me.
[Wendy] Did you get the ring?
[Loudon] Oh -- damn it. I haven't gotten to that yet. I'm running a little behind schedule here.
[Wendy] You will be at the Co-op interview won't you?
[Loudon] Oh, absolutely. Sure. Of course. I'll meet you there, okay?
[Bum] Hey, white boy, give me a dollar?
[Wendy] Loudon! Exactly what part of Scarsdale are you in?
[Undercover cop] Go ahead and piss on me, you bastard. [To police headquarters] We got a problem. The gun runner's in number 6. Let's move.
[Gun Punk] That's "B" for boy, 321-7621-413.
[Nikki] Hey, you got these in pink?
[Gun Punk] Hold on. Pink? Let me check.
[Loudon] Alright! Where's Murray?
[Nikki] Hi! Hold it. He's with me.
[Gun Punk] You set me up, punk!
[Nikki] Get real.
[Gun Punk] Stay there! Both of you! Nobody breathe! The name is Loudon Trout.
[Nikki] Trott.
[Gun Punk] Trott, T-R-O-T-T. Expiration date 6/89. Amount $2,340.
[Loudon] You don't have to call it in, it's a Gold Card stupid.
[Nikki] Easy, Chuckles.
[Loudon] Just tell me. I won't be upset. I really just want to know. Are you the anti-Christ? You can tell me, really. I swear I won't be mad. You are, aren't you?
[Nikki] Move.
[Undercover cop] Charlie, they're upstairs.
[Nikki] Uh-oh.
[Cop] Okay, Murph, I'm right behind you.
[Nikki] This way!
[Loudon] A mile and a half. A mile and a half. Just take her to the bus station. A mile and a half. What'd you do with Murray?
[Nikki] He had to go. I let him out.
[Loudon] No, you didn't.
[Nikki] Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go.
[GUNSHOTS]
[Loudon] Oh, whoa!
[Nikki] Jump!
[Loudon] Oh!
[Nikki] Come on!
[Loudon] Are you insane?
[Nikki] I did it, you can do it.
[Loudon] You're a criminal; I'm a tax attorney. I'll be alright here. I'm sure somebody called the cops.
[Nikki] They are the cops.
[GUNSHOTS]
[Loudon] Maybe if I just explain.
[Nikki] Explain what, Trott ... that we were buying four stolen semi-automatic weapons on your Gold Card?
[Loudon] Oh, hey!
[SIREN]
[Nikki] Ha ha ha ha!
[Cop] Hey, over here!
[Cop] I got the other kid!
[Loudon] They'll put us in separate cells, won't they? I mean, we won't be rooming together?
[Nikki] Relax, Counselor, nobody's going to prison.
[Loudon] Alright, let's see here. Lunch, that's off. Got to find Murray, that's number one.
[Nikki] Wow, you print everything. And you never go below the line. I'm very impressed.
[Loudon] Good, because impressing you is what I live for. Alright. Tux -- got that, sort of. Okay, got to go to Cartier, pick up the ring.
[Nikki] Oh. A ring, huh?
[Loudon] Yeah. A wedding ring. I'm getting married tomorrow.
[Nikki] Oh, great. What's her name?
[Loudon] Wendy.
[Nikki] Oh, Wendy! That's a nice name. I'd like to meet her.
[Loudon] Well, you two really don't have much in common, you see, she being ... a mere human person and you being a force of nature.
[FIRE ALARM]
[Loudon] Oh, God.
[Residents] [SCREAM]
[SIREN]
[Nikki] Two guys are following me out there. I think they're crazy.
[Loudon] They must be.
[Nikki] Yeah. You know, in high school we used to hang out in these things all the time, sneaking cigarettes, lying about boys. Making big plans.
[Loudon] Is that when you started murdering people?
[Nikki] Hey, I'm a thief. I admit that. But I never killed anybody.
[Loudon] Alright, alright.
[Nikki] I was framed, Loudon. I was going with this guy named Johnny. Small time booster bookmaker type. Johnny finds out about this big white-collar guy who's into a lot of bogus stuff, but I never knew his name. Johnny gets the goods on this guy, though. He gets everything -- photos, tapes, financial records, stuff like that. Then, Johnny puts it all in a safety deposit box, and he gives me the key, see? He decides to blackmail the dude, but the dude doesn't bend. The dude has some creep named Raoul to hit Johnny. Raoul stuffs the body in the trunk of my car, I don't know it's there, I take a red light, the cops stop me, and they find Johnny in a bunch of pieces in the back of the car. The judge called it a crime of passion. Hey, I liked Johnny, but not enough to kill him.
[Loudon] These things happen.
[Nikki] Yeah, but Johnny never told me the name of the bank or the box number that this key goes to, but Raoul knows. Raoul got it out of him before he finished him off. So I got the key, Raoul's got the box number, so we gotta get Raoul. What do you say? You help me?
[Loudon] Help you what?
[Nikki] Clear my name.
[Loudon] Clear your name? That's what this is all about, clearing your name?
[Nikki] Yeah.
[Loudon] Why don't you just go and steal one?
[Nikki] Come on, just help me out ... and I'll be on the next bus, I swear to God, Trott. Don't send me back to Philly a murderess.
[Loudon] Well, uh, this guy, Raoul, he really, he sounds like trouble.
[Nikki] Yeah, but we can handle him, you and me. 'Cause we're a team, Loudon, a lean, mean fighting machine of a team. Come on, somewhere deep down inside of there I see a fighter in you. Admit it.
[Loudon] Well, you know I fence. I started fencing when I was in prep school. My father never approved, though. He didn't think it was very manly.
[Nikki] Fence, huh? I knew you had it in you.
[Loudon] Yeah, I won the State intercollegiate. But my father never came to see me.
[Nikki] Why would your father ... want to watch you turn over stolen goods?
[Loudon] Um.
[Nikki] You're twisted.
[Loudon] Yeah.
[Nikki] No, I mean your glasses. Stay still. I'll fix them.
[Loudon] No, that's okay.
[Nikki] You got really neat hands.
[Loudon] Thank you, they came with the arm.
[Nikki] This arm?
[Loudon] Yeah.
[Nikki] This arm?
[Loudon] Yes.
[Nikki] This arm?
[Loudon] Same one. Ah!
[Nikki] Feel good?
[Loudon] Uh, yes, actually.
[Nikki] So you gonna help me?
[Loudon] Uh, yeah.
[Nikki] Ha ha! Goody!
[Loudon] No, oh, I mean, I'll consider it. If you help me. We had a Patagonian Felis in the back seat? Murray? Murray? Perhaps you remember Murray.
[Nikki] [WHISTLES]
[Loudon] How did you do that?
[Tiger] ROAR!
[Nikki] I have my methods.
***
[Gay Cop] Are they still sittin' there. What could they be up to?
[Butch Cop] What do you care? You're paid by the hour. What'd you get?
[Gay Cop] Oh, I got the cold quail with pesto and cubed goat cheese. It's marinated in a little olive oil and thyme, and well I picked up the wild rice with French morel mushrooms on a bed of radicchio lettuce, and there's a little dijon dressing on the side. I got that for you.
[Nikki] [HUMMING WITH RADIO] Loudon, why do you think they call these things McNuggets?
[Loudon] I don't know, Nikki. One of life's greatest unsolved mysteries.
[Nikki] Murray sure likes them. Here, try some sweet and sour sauce, honey. There he is!
[Loudon] One of them's big, very big.
[Nikki] Yeah, yeah. Not as big as this. Let's do it.
[CAR CRASH]
[Pedestrian] Uh-oh. Someone's got a problem.
[Nikki] Turn around, walk down that street, look back, and you're dead.
[Chauffeur] Yeah.
[Nikki] Move! Don't even think about it!
[Raoul] Nikki!
[Nikki] Long time Raoul. Take them out with your fingertips and drop them on the floor, thank you.
[Loudon] Listen, I just witnessed an accident back there. I'm going to at least go back and give my name.
[Nikki] Drive!
[Loudon] What?
[Nikki] I said get in and drive!
[HORNS HONK]
[Raoul] What's this all about, Nikki.
[Nikki] Cut the innocent act, Raoul. I know you hit Johnny. How you doing, Loudon?
[Loudon] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. No! [HIS GLASSES FLY OUT THE WINDOW]
[Nikki] Loudon don't see too good without his glasses.
[Raoul] Nikki, don't do anything crazy.
[Nikki] I'm out of control, you little poindexterhead. [SHOOTS OUT THE BACK WINDOW] I want the name of the bank and the safety deposit box number, now!
[Raoul] What good is that going to do? No one's ever found the key.
[Nikki] Honey, I never lost it. I've been sittin' on this thing for four years. Yeah. You're doin' fine, Loudon.
[Loudon] Thank you, thank you.
[Raoul] No he ain't!
[Nikki] Yes he is! The name of the bank and the box number, now!
[Raoul] Nikki, don't get mental now! We can talk this out!
[Nikki] What's the matter? You afraid of what I might find in that box? Huh? I think you better find a place to park, Loudon.
[Loudon] Okay.
[Nikki] Nice spot. Okay, everybody out. Let's go. Come on. No monkey business. Let's go. Move it.
[Loudon] Oh! Ow!
[Gay Cop] Man, I'd hate to be way up there like that hanging on a car door.
[Butch Cop] I'd hate to be way up there like that and not hanging on to a car door.
[Nikki] Keep goin'. You too, Shorty, up against the car.
[Loudon] Tim out, time out.
[Nikki] I want that number.
[Raoul] Looks like your boyfriend's in trouble.
[Nikki] Later for him!
[Loudon] Later?
[Nikki] Loudon, I'm busy -- hey, hey, give me that. Hey! [GUNSHOT] Hey, that's my gun. Hey, thank you. Aha. My gun. Stop it! Get away from me, you big bad bully! [COCKS GUN]
[Raoul] Huh!
[Loudon] Now talk! Cartier closes in half an hour!
[Raoul] Kawamatsu Bank!
[Loudon] Kawamatsu!
[Raoul] On Madison. Box Number 6111.
[Nikki] Trott! Help!
[Loudon] Oh, now you need my help! How the worm has turned!
[Nikki] Loudon, please!
[Loudon] Well, what about later for him?
[Nikki] I didn't mean it. I had my fingers crossed.
[Loudon] Alright.
[Nikki] Ow!
[Benny] Ow!
[Nikki] Whoa!
[Benny] Whoa!
[SPLASH]
[HORN PLAYS MELODY]
[Loudon] Fire hydrant, fire hydrant, fire hydrant. Excuse me, fire hydrant.
[Nikki] Listen, why can't we go to the bank first?
[Loudon] No! We did one of your things already. We murdered the pimp and the fat man. Now it's time to do one of my things.
[Nikki] Is that what you're upset about? Should I tell you something, Trott? We did the world a favor. I mean those guys were scum. Hey, they weren't even scum. They aspired one day to be scum.
[Loudon] Nonetheless, nonetheless, nonetheless, double homicide was not on my agenda.
[Nikki] Look, I got a good idea. Why don't you just tell me the box number, and I'll go to the bank, and I'll meet you back here? It'll save time.
[Loudon] Listen to me you little insane person. I'm not letting you out of my sight. I gave my word I would see you on that bus ... and until that glorious moment comes, you and I are stuck together like glue, like Mutt and Jeff, Amos and Andy, Frick and Frack ... Spic and Span, Yin and Yang, Arm and Hammer, Pork and Beans.
[Nikki] [SLAPS HIM]
[Nikki] The bank closes in a half an hour.
[Loudon] Yeah.
[Gay Jewelry Guy] Good afternoon, Mr. Trott.
[Loudon] Afternoon.
[Gay Jewelry Guy] How's mother, sir?
[Loudon] Mother? Fine, fine.
[Jewelry Lady] Tomorrow's the big day, sir. Congratulations.
[Loudon] Thank you. Thank you.
[Jewelry Lady] The ring is all ready for you, sir.
[Gay Jewelry Guy] I don't recognize Madame, Sir? An out-of-town guest?
[Gay Jewelry Guy] Sister? I wasn't aware Mr. Trott had a sister.
[Nikki] Been away a few years.
[Gay Jewelry Guy] Boarding school?
[Nikki] Boarding school, right.
[Gay Jewelry Guy] Switzerland?
[Nikki] Excuse me?
[Gay Jewelry Guy] I said was the school Swiss?
[Nikki] Sure. Sure, one of the Swissest.
[Car Thief] Can you handle it?
[Car Thief] Do it, do it.
[Car Thief] Can you handle it? Do it today, man.
[Car Thief] Today.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[Car Thief] We're cool.
[Car Thief] Let's go.
[Car Thief] Go!
[HORN HONKS]
[Car Thief] Yo. Whoo!
[HORN PLAYS MELODY]
[Nikki] Excuse me, I'd like to take a look at that. I like this. It's very sweet. Hmm. Think this'll fit on a tiger?
[Gay Jewelry Guy] Tiger? No question.
[Jewelry Lady] There you are, sir. Shall I put this on Mother's account?
[Loudon] Yes.
[Nikki] Put this on Mother's account too ... for Murray.
[Loudon] [WHISPERS] Have mercy.
[Nikki] But Loudon, he's almost extinct.
[Gay Jewelry Guy] Well, I see the clasp is broken. I can get this fixed.
[Nikki] Hey! Give me that key!
[Gay Jewelry Guy] Aah!
[Nikki] I want my key! Give me that key! [CRASH]
[Customer] Oh, no!
[Customer] Oh!
[Security] No you don't!
[Nikki] Let me down. I want my key. Come back here. Give me my key! Put me down! You get over here!
[Loudon] Oh, my God! Where's the car?
[Nikki] Wait! There they are!
[Loudon] Where's the car? Murray! Murray!
[Nikki] Aaaaaaaaahh! Thank you. Get in here. Sorry.
[Loudon] Well, what about Mrs. Worthington's car? What about Murray?
[Nikki] Later, Loudon. Follow that brown E.P.C. truck, okay?
[Loudon] [To cabdriver] There's an extra 20 in this if you can explain to me what's going on.
[To Nikki] Oh. Hey, hey. You stole that from Cartier. That's grand theft.
[Nikki] Thanks.
[Loudon] But they're going to come after us.
[Nikki] Loudon, you don't seem to understand. They don't care about this stuff. Those places they deal in diamonds. They don't want the diamonds stolen, so they put stuff like this out for people to take. It's what you call in business a loss leader. They want us to steal it, yeah. You understand that? It's like a promotional thing with them.
[Loudon] Excuse me. Do you mind? [GETS INTO FRONT SEAT] Ahh.
[Taxi Driver] Here's your truck. Hey, this is where Wendy Worthington lives!
[Loudon] You're right.
[Nikki] Hey.
[Loudon] How'd you know that?
[TaxI Driver] I had her in me cab once. Peace.
[Nikki] You want to hurry it up in there? Come on.
[Wendy] Does that feel better, Buck?
[Buck] Mm.
[Wendy] A lot of people take the E.P.C. for granted, don't they?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[Wendy] Not us.
[DOOR OPENS]
[Wendy] Loudon! This is my bed and kitchen shower! You're not supposed to be here. Why are you dressed like that? You can't go to the Co-op interview dressed like that. Did you get the ring?
[Buck] How's it hangin'?
[Nikki] Wendy! My God! Well, you just look every bit the little thing Loudon described!
[Wendy] Loudon ... who is this woman?'
[Nikki] Loudon, shame on you honey. I thought you told Wendy. Well, I'm Loudon's cousin ... Nikki Sue Trott. The Atlanta Trotts with the three T's. Give us a kiss.
[Bridesmaids] Ooh!
[Nikki] I just love that little thing you're wearin'. Loudon, she's got the cutest little figure. What a cute, teeny tiny, almost non-existent little figure. I'll mingle.
[Wendy] Loudon, now you didn't say anything about a cousin from Atlanta.
[Loudon] Very complicated, dear. [On Telephone] Yes. The A.S.P.C.A.? Yes, I would like to report a wild Concolor missing.
[Wendy] Dear, I thought we agreed the guest list was locked? Are you listening to me, Loudon?
[Loudon] No. No, dear, I'm not. [On Telephone] A Patagonian Felis, Concolor, last seen at 57th and 5th.
[Wendy] Loudon, what is this all about?
[Loudon] I'll hold. [To Wendy] Your mother's car was stolen from Cartier with a very rare animal in it.
[Wendy] Oh, no, not the Rolls? Mummy's Rolls?
[Buck] I saw the whole thing. Don't worry, Ms. Worthington, I got the license number.
[Wendy] You got the license number of our car?
[Buck] I wrote it down.
[Wendy] Is it possible for you to be any dumber?
[Buck] I don't see how.
[Wendy] Bye, Buck.
[Bridesmaid] What is it?
[Bridesmaid] Oh, bye, bucky-duck.
[Bridesmaid] Oh, see you later.
[Bridesmaid] Bye bye, Buck.
[Bridesmaid] We love you.
[Nikki] I just can't help myself. I love gettin' presents.
[Bridesmaid] That's from me.
[Bridesmaid] They're gorgeous.
[Bridesmaid] Solid 24 karat.
[Bridesmaid] Of course.
[Nikki] 18. Anyway, as I was sayin' -- the family's just beside themselves with happiness. I mean, you can't imagine how relieved we all was when we found out that old Loudon here was getting engaged.
[Bridesmaids] Yeah.
[Nikki] I mean, Loudon? Marrying a woman? Got it!
[HORN HONKS MELODY]
[Nikki] Murray!
[Loudon] Murray!
[Wendy] Mummy's Rolls!
[Bridesmaid] Bye!
[Bridesmaid] Bye Miss Trott!
[Nikki] Loudon, come on! Let's go!
[Wendy] Loudon, where are you going? You won't be late for the Co-Op interview?
[Bridesmaids] Aaaaaaaah!
[Loudon] Murray! Stop that car! Murray! Murray, get down!
[Nikki] All right. We're here. Want to give me that box number now, Trott?
[Loudon] Not until we're inside.
[Nikki] Oh. It's not fair!
[Loudon] Oh, no! Excuse me. Excuse me. Please. I cannot be with this woman another minute.
[Nikki] Don't give me that crapola! Open up.
[Loudon] She has to catch a bus. She really does. Please sir, let us in! Look, I'm wealthy, and I'm busy.
[Nikki] Come on. Two seconds. Waddle on over here and open up.
[Bank Security] Tomorrow morning, 10:00.
[Loudon] Tomorrow morning? Perfect!
[Nikki] Oh, look, what do you care, huh? Just give me the box number, and we'll go our separate ways.
[Loudon] I can't. I gave my word. I promised that I would personally see you on that bus. Now, I'm sure the concept's just alien to you ... but from where I come from, a person's word really means something.
[Nikki] All right then, I give you my word. Tomorrow morning I'll come here, open up the box, and I'll get on the bus all by myself.
[Loudon] You're lying.
[Nikki] How do you know?
[Loudon] Your lips are moving.
[Nikki] Hey! You know what I think, Trott? I think that you want to stay with me -- yeah -- but you just can't admit it.
[Loudon] You think that I would want to stay with you, I mean that I would actually want to stay with you? [To Pedestrians] Can you believe this? [To Nikki] Lady, I'm surprised your shadow keeps you company.
[Nikki] [To Pedestrians] I'm an ex-convict, and he's with me.
[Loudon] Shut up!
[Nikki] We killed two people, a pimp and a fat man, and he did most of the work.
[Loudon] [To Pedestrians] Yeah, I killed a pimp. What are you --
[Nikki] He's the father of my child ... but he doesn't want to admit it, because he's a lawyer. Hah!
[ELECTRONIC ALARM]
[Loudon] My Co-op. I'm driving.
[Nikki] Hey! Hey! Oh! Oh, I get it! Yeah, you care more about gettin' your apartment ... than finding the creep that set me up, is that it? Huh? My problems don't rate? [To Tiger] What are you lookin' at?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[Loudon] WHAT?
[Mr. Worthington] Loudon? It's me.
[Nikki] Who are you talking to?
[Loudon] [On Telephone] I'm working on it.
[Nikki] How can you talk to somebody at a time like this? I spend four years of my life in the hole waiting for the chance to get out and clear my name, and I will know vengeance.
[Mr. Worthington] You mean she's still in town? You said she was going to be on the 1:45.
[Loudon] She missed the 1:45.
[Nikki] Who is that?
[Loudon] Shhhh!
[Nikki] Don't you shush me! Nobody ignores Nikki Finn!
[Mr. Worthington] Oh, I see. Perhaps my instructions were a bit oblique.
[Nikki] Give me that. [GRABS TELEPHONE] I am Nikki Finn, and I will not be denied! I will know vengeance! [GUNSHOT] [GUNSHOTS]
***
[Loudon] I'm sure she's going to be here.
[Co-op Crone] Mr. Trott, we are of course very particular about who we allow into our St. Andrews cooperative. Punctuality, I have found, is a very good indicator of character.
[Loudon] Absolutely. It's so amazing that you would say that, because Wendy is known for her punctuality. We both are. It's like a ... it's a joke amongst our friends.
[Co-op Crone] If your fiancee isn't interested in the apartment, I'm sure we can find someone who is.
[Loudon] Uh, I'll just check ... I'm just going to check outside, because I'm sure she's looking for a place to park right now. So just chat amongst yourselves, and I'll be right back.
[Man] [SNORES]
[Loudon] [FALLS DOWN ON THE GROUND] Okay!
[BICYCLE RINGS BELL]
[Tiger] PURR.
[Loudon] Oh! Nikki? Nicole?
[Nikki] What?!
[Interviewer] [SNORE]
[Loudon] Found her, found her. No problem, no problem. She was at the Children's Hospital, because they just opened the Wendy Worthington wing.
[Co-op Crone] No problem at all. Please take a seat. Miss Worthington, your application is very impressive. Your background ... the private schools.
[Nikki] Well, you gotta see me spend money to really appreciate me.
[Co-op Crone] Now, Loudon I see here that you're with Worthington, Ferris and Clarke?
[Loudon] Yes, ma'am, that's true. I've been with them now about 5-1/2 years.
[Nikki] Yeah, and can I tell you something? He is daddy's right hand.
[Loudon] Well.
[Nikki] And left hand. He's both of Daddy's hands. Uh ... knock, knock.
[Co-op Crone] Mmph.
[Nikki] Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Knock, knock.
[Co-op Crone] Who's there?
[Nikki] Boo.
[Co-op Crone] Boo who?
[Nikki] Don't cry! We'll take the apartment.
[Loudon] [LAUGHS & HITS HER] You ...
[Co-op Crone] Yes. Back to the interview. Do you plan to have any children?
[Loudon] No. No, I mean, not right away. You know, maybe in the future.
[Co-op Crone] [SCREAMS]
[Nikki] Yeah, but not right away.
[Loudon] Well, we don't have to ...
[Nikki] Not right away.
[Loudon] kids aren't that important to have right away.
[Nikki] 'Cause we decided that our careers come first!
[Loudon] Absolutely.
[Nikki] Yeah.
[Tiger] ROAR!
[Nikki] Oh, honey, it's little tabby! Hi, kitty. Hi, baby.
[Loudon] I told you Wendy had a cat, didn't I?
[Co-op Crone] It looks like a t-tiger.
[Loudon] Oh no, nah, it's not a tiger.
[Nikki] Oh definitely not.
[Loudon] No, we've had her for years.
[Nikki] Yeah, she's potty trained and everything.
[Tiger] [BITES LOUDON]
[Loudon] Oh, yeah. Hiya, tabby. He seems a little hungry. Did you feed him?
[Tiger] [SNARLS]
[Nikki] Uh-oh, I forgot. But we can pick up some tinder vittles on the way home. Sorry.
[Wendy] Loudon, are you in there? It's me, Wendy!
[Nikki] Uh-oh!
[Loudon] Wait a minute! Who is this woman? She's not my fiancee!
[Wendy] Loudon! Loudon!
[Raoul] Yo, girls, please be quiet. Quiet! Quiet!
[Loudon] It's the pimp and the fat man. I thought I killed them.
[Wendy] Loudon, how's it going? Did you tell them I went to Vassar?
[Raoul] Alright, just send down the girl! I want Nikki! Send her down! And I want her to bring the key with her!
[Wendy] Did you tell them we know the Butterworths?
[Benny] [To Bridesmaids] Remember, girls, you're hostages! Get a grip!
[Loudon] They're my bridesmaids.
[Pedestrians] [SCREAMING]
[Wendy] You're hurting my neck.
[Nikki] Raoul, let the chick go. I got the key.
[Loudon] Nikki.
[Nikki] You heard what I said. Let her go, or no deal.
[Wendy] You -- you're not from Atlanta.
[Wendy] No, I'm not from Atlanta.
[Wendy] Who are you?
[Nikki] Don't worry. I'm nobody.
[Raoul] Alright, just stay calm. We'll change partners here. \ [Bridesmaid] Oh, no, Wendy!
[Bridesmaid] Go! Go!
[Raoul] Come on!
[Nikki] I know I put it in here somewhere.
[Raoul] Drop the key! Come on!
[Nikki] [WHISTLES]
[Bridesmaids] Aaaaaah!
[Tiger] ROAR!
[Raoul] Nikki, please!
[Nikki] Ha! Ha ha ha ha.
[Tiger] ROAR!
[Loudon] Well ... that concludes our presentation. Yeah.
[Wendy] So ... did we get it?
[Bridesmaids] Aaaaaah!
[Bridesmaid] No.
[Bridesmaid] Oh, get your hands off of me!
[Reporter] Do you feel that you're being exploited as women?
[Bridesmaid] I don't understand the question.
[Reporter] Have you developed a relationship with your captors? Do you find yourself physically attracted to them?
[Bridesmaid] Ooh, gross!
***
[Music] Should have left you standing Right where you stood Should have let you go Should have had the sense to know Like a train you'd come And I'd lose my place Now, I'm on this trip I took a fall from grace Nowhere to run Nowhere to hide From the look of love From the eyes of pride Nowhere to go No place to run From the look of love No,w I've come undone My conscience is clear I know right from wrong That's a lie I know nothing Except that you're gone There's more to learn from the look in your eyes A trip 'round this world With stars in the sky
[Loudon] Hello, Mr. Bell.
[Mr. Bell] Ah, there he is! Come on in my dear boy, come on in. We've been waiting for you. You've not been up here before, have you?
[Loudon] Is this rent control, or what?
[Mr. Bell] Actually, I own the block. Excuse the mess. I recently lost Elwood, my housekeeper.
[Loudon] He quit?
[Mr. Bell] No, no, no. I lost him. I think he's in the west wing somewhere. Sometimes at night I think I hear him crying. It's most distressing. Anyway, I meant to have you up here sooner, but as you know, I travel a lot, searching the sphere ... for endangered animals that need my help, such as the Patagonian Felis Concolor I sent you for.
[Loudon] Uh, Mr. Bell, I have some horrible, horrible news.
[Mr. Bell] Really?
[Loudon] We better sit down. I picked up the cat -- I did, as I promised I would. But something happened. A, a woman happened, actually. I was supposed to drive her to the bus station.
[Tiger] PURR.
[Loudon] Murray? He's here?
[Mr. Bell] Well, of course he's here. He's been here all night. Your fiancee brought him.
[Loudon] My fiancee?
[CORK POPPING]
[Nikki] Hello, Counselor.
[Loudon] How -- how --
[Nikki] I told you, I have my methods. You're shiverin' Loudie. Want a drink or somethin'? You look like you could use a little warming up.
[Mr. Bell] What a magnificent city ... a city of infinite possibilities ... especially in the rain. They say that no two drops of rain are identical.
[Loudon] Actually, Sir, I believe it's no two snowflakes that are --
[Mr. Bell] Actually, I believe it's neither. It's no two loves that are identical. For example, I love this infuriating town. I love women who laugh. I love women who refuse to laugh. Won Ton Soup. Halloween. I love all of these things in different ways. None sweeter than the other. Life is grand.
[Nikki] I know exactly what you mean, Mr. Bell.
[Mr. Bell] I believe you do. She's quite extraordinary.
[Nikki] Extraordinary.
[Mr. Bell] To not growing old ... gracefully.
[Loudon] To today ... the greatest day of my life.
[Mr. Bell] It's not over yet. [SNORE] I needed that. How long was I out for? Gosh, it's time to take Murray upstairs. Would you care to join me?
[Nikki] You better believe it.
[Mr. Bell] It's been my dream for decades to create a refuge right here in the city ... where endangered species could repopulate themselves. I've saved over 27 individual breeds so far. Let's hope our friend Murray is feeling amorous tonight. I think he is. It's in the air.
[Tiger] ROAR!
[ANIMAL NOISES]
[WHISTLES]
[Nikki] Gee whiz! Mr. Bell, you really outdid yourself this time.
[Mr. Bell] You're not going to find a better Brazilian rainforest anywhere on the upper west side.
[Loudon] I had no idea. I mean this is ... this is ... oh, wow!
[CHIRP, CHIRP]
[Tiger] GROWL.
[Nikki] You made it, Murray. You're home. He likes me.
[Monkey] Eeay!
[Mr. Bell] Come along! This way!
[WOLF WHISTLE]
[Loudon] I have a two-bedroom duplex on the upper east side. The living room is big, but it's not as big as this. And there's a kitchen -- it's like off to the side when you come in. I don't have anywhere near as many plants, though.
[Nikki] Here, baby. Ha ha ha.
[Tiger] GROWL!
[Nikki] Ha ha. There she is.
[Tigress] ROAR!
[Nikki] She's beautiful, Murray. I love you baby.
[Wild Woman] MEOW!
[Mr. Bell] Well, I've got to go. Make yourselves at home. Good night.
[Nikki] Good night, Mr. Bell.
[Wild Woman] MEOW!
[Mr. Bell] Coming, dear. [To Wild Woman] Sorry, I'm late. I had some rather important guests.
[Loudon] Oh, Mr. Bell! Where are we? Which way ... Mr. Bell?
[SQUAWK]
[Loudon] I think it's this way.
[ELEPHANT TRUMPET]
[Loudon] No. No. Uh ... which way is west?
[Nikki] Ha! Loudon, it's been a long time.
[Loudon] A long time?
[Nikki] Yeah. Four years.
[Loudon] A long time.
[Nikki] Yeah.
[Loudon] A long time.
[Tigers] PURR.
***
[Nikki] Hmmph! This will only take a couple of seconds. Then, we're going straight to the district attorney's office with all the evidence. And you know, I want to get a copy of everything to get to the newspapers. Can't you see the headlines: "Innocent, beautiful girl names mystery murderer"? Ha ha ha! How does that sound?
[Bank Employee] Your box number.
[Loudon] 6111.
[Bank Employee] Sign in, please.
[Nikki] Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
[BUZZ]
[Nikki] Think this is going to be on the 6:00 news? I mean, I've never been on television before. Hey, do you think you are ready to hang out with a celebrity? I wonder if my mom's gonna see it in Philadelphia. See, she's got this brother Joe -- that's my Uncle Joe, and I got cousins, though, you know I don't have a lot of relatives. But you know, it would be really great ... if the relatives that I have could see it, it'd be good. Then we gotta get out of this town. Find some sun. Because we both could use it. Look at me. Four years in the can, and I'm pale as a ghost. Can I tell you something? You look like you could use a little fun in the sun yourself. You know --
[Loudon] Why do you smoke so many cigarettes?
[Nikki] I don't know what else to do with them! What's wrong with you?
[Loudon] I'm marrying Wendy Worthington in two hours, as scheduled. As scheduled. Aren't you going to open that?
[Nikki] No. It doesn't matter.
[Loudon] Nikki, you really didn't think that I was. I mean ...
[Nikki] I didn't think anything.
***
[Butch Cop] See. I told you if we staked out the bus station, we'd find her.
[Gay Cop] Oh, is that what you're going to tell the captain, huh, that it was all your idea?
[Butch Cop] Well, it was.
[Gay Cop] Was not.
[Butch Cop] Was too.
[Gay Cop] Was not.
[Butch Cop] Was too.
[Gay Cop] Was not.
[Butch Cop] Was too.
[Gay Cop] Was not.
[Butch Cop] Was too.
[Gay Cop] Oh, man. That's it. When this thing's over, I'm applying for a transfer.
[Butch Cop] Fine. I'll type it up for you.
***
[Bridesmaid] Oh, my God!
[Bridesmaid] Oh, my God!
[Bridesmaids] [SCREAMING]
[Nikki] You don't have to wait.
[Loudon] No, I just want to make sure you get on. So, make sure you contact your parole officer. And register with the employment people. And maybe you can get a job in an animal hospital, or something, because you seem to really have a way with wild ... animals.
[Bus Announcer] Let's go! Last call!
[BEEP, BEEP]
[Nikki] That's your life calling.
[Loudon] Yeah. Yeah. I gotta go.
[Nikki] See you, Trott. Don't forget to wear your seat belt.
[Raoul] There she goes! Move! Aah. Shut those girls up.
[Butch Cop] Let's move.
***
[TIRE BLOWS]
[Cutlery Man] [COUGHS]
[PLAYING CHAMBER MUSIC]
[Tiger] GROWL!
[Mr. Bell] [SNORES]
[TIRE BLOWS]
[Mrs. Worthington] Oh, my lord.
[Loudon] What?
[Mrs. Worthington] Oh, my car! Look at my car!
[Loudon] What's the problem?
[Mrs. Worthington] Oh, look. It's a wreck. Oh, baby.
[Loudon] I'm sorry, I don't see it. What do you see, a nick?
[Mrs. Worthington] A nick? A nick? No. How can you not see it? It's everywhere.
[Mr. Worthington] Oh. You decided to join us. Rogers, I won't be needing that shotgun after all.
[LAUGHS]
Any problem with Operation Prisoner Shuttle?
[Loudon] Clockwork. Hello, Walter.
[Wendy] There you are.
[Loudon] Oh.
[Wendy] Where have you been?
[Loudon] I'm sorry, dear. I was delayed, doing an errand for your father.
[Wendy] I tried calling you all last night.
[Loudon] Oh! I was at my, uh, bachelor party. You know, my last big hurrah.
[Wendy] Yes. Damn right it was. Where are the bridesmaids? Have you seen them? Oh, there are the words I had printed up for the ceremony.
[Loudon] "What the world needs now is love"?
[Wendy] No, no, that's what I say. You say this, "It's the only thing there's just too little of."
[Horny Cop] Yeah, I even tried a dating service. But it was just a waste of time.
[Horny Cop] So how are we supposed to meet girls?
[Bridesmaids] [SCREAMING]
***
[Wendy] "What the world needs now is love, sweet love."
[Loudon] "No, not just for some, but for everyone."
***
[Horny Cop] You all right?
[Horny Cop] Damn it. Damn it! [KICKS HIS MOTORCYCLE] Taxi! Taxi! Come on, let's go!
[Horny Cop] Get off my foot!
***
[Preacher] Loudon, Wendy, we've all heard the saying, "They are made for each other." Well, whoever coined that phrase might have had these two fine young people in mind.
[Wendy] [RAISES HER EYEBROWS]
***
[Bus Passenger] Imagine a nice girl like that forgetting her wedding day.
[Nikki] Hello! Open up the gate, okay? Loudon, open the gate, okay? I've got something I've got to tell you. Loudon! [KICKS THE INTERCOM] [JUMPS OVER THE FENCE]
[Bridesmaids] [SCREAMING]
[Diane] Hey, it's the bridesmaids! We're here! It's Diane. Open the gate! Open the gate!
[Bridesmaid] A porsche!
[Bridesmaid] Quick! Open the gate! Please open the gate! Oh, the police! The police!
[Raoul] Okay, Nikki. Give us the stuff, Nikki.
[Nikki] Is that your tough look, Raoul? Is that the best you can do?
[Raoul] Nikki, Nikki, don't make us take it from you.
[Benny] No, Nikki, make us take it from you.
[Nikki] What's that over there?
[Raoul] What?
[Nikki] Ha! Give it back!
[Preacher] Perhaps Burt Bacharach is right. "Love, sweet love" -- perhaps it really is the only thing there's just too little of."
[Taxi Driver] Hey, this is the Worthington place. What's going on here?
[Bridesmaids] We're trying to get in!
[Taxi Driver] Oh, hang on. Wendy gave me the key. I had her in my cab once. Hee hee hee hee.
[Raoul] First time I ever seen this broad shut up.
[Benny] Yeah, let's do it to her like we did to her boyfriend.
[Raoul] It would be my pleasure, my brother.
[SWITCHBLADE CLICKS OPEN]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[Benny] Yo, boss. It's that cat again.
[Tiger] ROAR!
[Nikki] Murray!
[Raoul] Oh, shit. Not again.
[Tigress] ROAR!
[Gay Cop] Police! Everyone's under uh ... under arrest.
[Nikki] So there. Thanks Mur.
[Tiger] GROWL!
[Butch Cop] All right, drop them.
[Raoul] What?
[Butch Cop] These are your rights. [TOSSES THEM AWAY] [SLAPS RAOUL] Hey!
[Preacher] If there's anyone here who knows any reason why these two should not be married ...
[Nikki] Yeah!
[Shocked guest] Oh!
[Shocked guest] Oh!
[Nikki] I got two reasons. The bride's father is an embezzler and a murderer. See, my ex-boyfriend, Johnny Scatelli, found out ... he was skimmin' money off the trust fund that his firm is handling, so he hired two goons named Benny and Raoul to hit Johnny ... and they stuffed him in the trunk of my car. And I took the fall, and did four years in the slammer, while this guy, the creep of the eighties, went free!
[Shocked guest] No!
[Nikki] And the second reason ... the groom is in love with me.
[Shocked guest] No!
[Shocked guest] No!
[Shocked guest] No!
[Wendy] Loudon. Tell me it's not true.
[Loudon] I can't.
[Wendy] Buck!
[Mr. Worthington] She's crazy! Look how she's dressed! She can't prove a word of it!
[Butch Cop] I think she can! Interesting reading! Now, would you --
[Mr. Worthington] I'm not going anywhere. [PICKS UP FENCING FOIL] [KNOCKS COPS GUNS INTO THE CAKE]
[Cops] [RUN OFF]
[Loudon] On guard!
[Mr. Worthington] I didn't want it to end this way, son. But you should have just taken her to the bus.
[Nikki] Loudon! [THROWS HIM A FENCING FOIL]
[Loudon] Thanks, honey.
[Nikki] Get, him!
[Bridesmaids] Violence!
[Bus Passenger] Do I stop here?
[Wendy] You'll take care of me, won't you Buckie?
[Buck] Of course I will. [PICKS HER UP IN HIS ARMS] I'm very muscular.
[Wendy] [KISSES BUCK]
[Bridesmaids] Aaaah!
[FIGHT OVER THE BOUQUET WITH THEIR TEETH]
[Nikki] [To Loudon] Who's winnin'?
[Loudon] I don't know yet, hon.
[Mr. Worthington] Heads up.
[Nikki] Hope you win.
[Loudon] Thank you.
[Nikki] After this, let's go to Philly, okay, because I haven't seen my mom for four years.
[Loudon] Okay.
[Nikki] Hurry up! I'm bored!
[Horny Cop] So, tell me. Are you girls together?
[Bridesmaids] Yeah!
[Bus Passengers] [PARTAKE OF FEAST]
[Nikki] [DANCING]
[Loudon] That's for the four years you stole from Nikki! And this is for me! [STOMPS ON HIS GENITALS]
[Mr. Worthington] Aaaaaah!
[Loudon] [KNOCKS MR. WORTHINGTON'S FOIL INTO THE CAKE]
[Nikki] Ha! Mm mm. Try some cake, honey. It's delicious.
[Wedding Guests] Aww. Aww.
***
[Butch Cop] So, still puttin' in for that transfer?
[Gay Cop] Yeah, I'm talking to the captain first thing in the morning.
[Butch Cop] Tomorrow's Sunday, man.
[Gay Cop] Oh yeah, that's right. In that case, forget it. Besides, what would you do without me, anyway? You know.
[Butch Cop] Hey ...
[Gay Cop] Doyle.
[COPS GROPE EACH OTHER]
[Benny] [Howls]
[Nikki] So, I figure we can open up, like you said, an animal hospital or something. And we can call it the Critter Crisis Center. Does that sound good? And I could take care of the animals. And you, you could count the money, you know. Add up the figures.
[Loudon] Knock, knock.
[Nikki] Who's there?
[Loudon] Olive.
[Nikki] Olive who?
[Loudon] I love you, Nikki Finn.
[Nikki] Oh. So sweet.
[Loudon] Knock, knock.
[Nikki] Loudon.
[Loudon] What?
[Nikki] Would you do me a favor?
[Loudon] Uh-huh.
[Loudon] Shut up and kiss me.
[Music] Who's that girl?
[WHISTLES]
[Tigers] ROAR!
[Music] Who's that girl? When you see her, say a prayer and kiss your heart goodbye, She's trouble, in a word get closer to the fire. Run faster, her laughter burns you up inside. You're spinning 'round and 'round you can't get up, you try, but you can't . Quien es esa nina? Who's that girl? Senorita mas fina Who's that girl? Quien es esa nina? Who's that girl? Senorita mas fina. Who's that girl? You try to avoid her, fate is in your hands. She's smiling an invitation to the dance. Her heart is on the street, tu corazon es suyo. Now you're falling at her feet you try to get away but you can't . Quien es esa nina? Who's that girl? Senorita mas fina. Who's that girl? Quien es esa nina? Who's that girl? Senorita mas fina. Who's that girl? Light up my life, so blind I can't see. Light up my life, no one can help me now. Run faster, her laughter burns you up inside. You're spinning 'round and 'round you can't get up, you try but you can't. Quien es esa nina? Who's that girl? Senorita mas fina. Who's that girl? Quien es esa nina? Who's that girl? Senorita mas fina. Who's that girl? Light up my life, so blind I can't see. Light up my life, no one can help me. Now, who's that girl? Now, who's that girl? Now, who's that girl? Now, who's that girl? Quien es esa nina? Who's that girl? Senorita mas fina. Who's that girl? Quien es esa nina? Who's that girl? Senorita mas fina. Who's that girl? Quien es esa nina? Who's that girl? Senorita mas fina. Who's that girl? Quien es esa nina? Who's that girl? Senorita mas fina. Who's that girl? Quien es esa nina? Who's that girl? Senorita mas fina. Who's that girl?
Cast (in credits order) Madonna ... Nikki Finn Griffin Dunne ... Louden Trott Haviland Morris ... Wendy Worthington John McMartin ... Simon Worthington Bibi Besch ... Mrs. Worthington John Mills ... Montgomery Bell (as Sir John Mills) Robert Swan ... Detective Bellson Drew Pillsbury ... Detective Doyle
Coati Mundi ... Raoul
Dennis Burkley ... Benny James Dietz ... Buck Cecile Callan ... Sandy - Wendy's Friend Karen Elise Baldwin ... Heather - Wendy's Friend (as Karen Baldwin) Kimberlin Brown ... Rachel - Wendy's Friend Crystal Carson ... Denise - Wendy's Friend Elaine Wilkes ... Holly - Wendy's Friend Tony LaFortezza ... Cabbie #1 (as Tony La Fortezza) Thomas Pinnock ... Cabbie #2
Alvin Hammer ... Cabbie #3 Sean Sullivan ... Gun Dealer Helen Lloyd Breed ... Co-op Board Chairwoman Dalton Dearborn ... Co-op Member #1 Robert Weil ... Co-op Member #2 (as Robert E. Weil) Robert Cornthwaite ... Minister Albert Popwell ... Parole Chairman Alice Nunn ... Woman Parole Member Gary Basaraba ... Shipping Clerk
Ron Taylor ... 1st Dock Worker Stanley Tucci ... 2nd Dock Worker Mike Starr ... Shipping Co-Worker Dwight Crawford ... Bicycle Messenger Laura Drake ... Shirley Efrat Lavie ... Entourage Saleswoman Mary Gillis ... Gown Woman Roy Brocksmith ... Crystal Salesman Ted Hayden ... Flatware Salesman Deryl Carroll ... Florist Beatrice Colen ... Secretary Susan Bugg ... Law Secretary Robert Clotworthy ... Lawyer Lexie Shine ... Judy
Faith Minton ... Donovan Judy Kerr ... Prison Oficer Darwyn Carson ... Prison Reception Guard Andre Rosey Brown ... Record Store Security Guard Brad Rearden ... Record Store Cashier Bert Rosario ... Greasy Guy Patrick McCord ... Traffic Cop
Liz Sheridan ... Nurse #1 Shari Summers ... Nurse #2 Glenn Plummer ... Harlem Kid #1 (as Glen Plummer) Lance Slaughter ... Harlem Kid #2 Alon Williams ... Harlem Kid #3 Mario Gardner ... Harlem Kid #4 Dennis Brown ... Harlem Kid #5 Carmen Filpi ... Street Bum #1
Robert Benjamin Pope ... Street Bum #2 Gerald Orange ... Drunk in Harlem Hallway Shelly Lipkin ... Tiffany Salesman Ellen Crawford ... Tiffany Saleswoman Pat Romano ... Rolls Royce Thief #1
Gary Tacon ... Rolls Royce Thief #2 Jinaki ... Lady on Bus Glen Chin ... Bank Guard Lloyd Kino ... Bank Officer Clive Rosengren ... Bus Driver Scott Harms ... Motorcycle Cop Cristian Letelier ... Motorcycle Cop Sanders Cupac ... Motorcycle Cop Meilani Paul ... Amazon Woman (as Meilani Figalan) Philip Romano ... Fencing Opponent (as Phil Romano) Lea Lashaway ... Screaming Woman Michael Scott Henderson ... Raoul's Driver
Marilyn Ammons ... Prisoner Murray ... Murray Rest of cast listed alphabetically: Arthur Tovey ... Butler (uncredited) Produced by Roger Birnbaum ... executive producer Peter Guber ... executive producer Rosilyn Heller ... producer Jon Peters ... executive producer Andrew Smith ... associate producer Bernard Williams ... producer Music by Stephen Bray Cinematography by Jan de Bont ... director of photography (as Jan Debont) Film Editing by Pembroke J. Herring ... (as Pembroke Herring)
Casting By Glenn Daniels Production Design by Ida Random Art Direction by Donald B. Woodruff ... (as Don Woodruff)
Set Decoration by Cloudia Rebar ... (as C L O U D I A) Costume Design by Deborah Lynn Scott Makeup Department Paul Abascal ... hair stylist: Madonna Scott H. Eddo ... makeup artist (as Scott Eddo) Donna Barrett Gilbert ... key hair stylist (as Donna Barrett-Gilbert) Francesca Paris ... hair stylist: New York Edward Ternes ... makeup artist: Madonna (as Ed Ternes) Production Management G. Mac Brown ... unit production manager: New York Sheridan Dar Reid ... unit production manager (as Sheridan Reid)
Second Unit Director or Assistant Director Sarah M. Brim ... second assistant director: New York (as Sarah Brim) Ric Kidney ... first assistant director Daniel R. Suhart ... second assistant director (as Dan Suhart) Tena Psyche Yatroussis ... second assistant director (as Tena Yatroussis) Matt Fenton ... apprentice assistant director (uncredited)
Art Department Jack Blackman ... art director: New York Leslie Bloom ... set decorator: New York (as Les Bloom) Russell Bobbitt ... assistant property master William Boyd ... mill foreman Oscar Delgadillo ... gang boss Bruce Di Valerio ... general construction foreman Cal DiValerio ... construction coordinator David Q. Quick ... property master (as David Quick) Jimmy Raitt ... property master: New York Martha Johnston ... set designer (uncredited)
Sound Department Greg Curda ... adr mixer Jay Engel ... adr editor Dee Dee Goldner ... assistant sound editor James Hebenstreit ... boom operator Robert G. Henderson ... supervising sound editor (as Robert Henderson) Joseph A. Ippolito ... sound editor (as Joey Ippolito) Rick Kline ... sound re-recording mixer Donald O. Mitchell ... sound re-recording mixer Alan Robert Murray ... supervising sound editor Walter Newman ... sound editor Kevin O'Connell ... sound re-recording mixer Brooke Henderson Ward ... assistant sound editor Ed White ... production sound mixer Marshall Winn ... sound editor Jack Keller ... sound recordist (uncredited)
Special Effects by Connie Brink ... special effects: New York (as Conrad Brink) Richard O. Helmer ... special effects coordinator Richard L. Hill ... special effects (as Richard Hill) Jim Schwalm ... special effects (as Jim Schwalm)
Visual Effects by Peter Donen ... visual effects supervisor Rocco Gioffre ... matte artist Mark Sullivan ... matte artist Stunts Phil Adams ... stunt player Clay Boss ... stunt player Polly Burson ... stunt player (as Polly Bursan) Monty Cox ... stunt player Joe Daly ... stunt player Bud Davis ... stunt coordinator Scott Dockstader ... stunt player Jon H. Epstein ... stunt player (as Jon Epstein) Glory Fioramonti ... stunt player Greg Gault ... stunt player Beau Gibson ... stunt player Andy Gill ... stunt player Randy Hall ... stunt player Charles Hart ... stunt player Robert Keller ... stunt player Bill Madden ... stunt player (as William Madden) Victor Magnotta ... stunt coordinator: New York / stunt player Ron Oliney ... stunt player Lonnie Parkinson ... stunt player Don Pulford ... stunt player Branscombe Richmond ... stunt player
Dennis Scott ... stunt player John Sherrod ... stunt player
Mike Tillman ... stunt player
Steve Vandeman ... stunt player (as Steve Vanderman) Kenny Bates ... stunts (uncredited) Mimi Cagnetta ... stunt performer (uncredited) Craig Lietzke ... stunt driver (uncredited) Camera and Electrical Department Ed Ayer ... gaffer James R. Belletier ... second assistant camera: New York (as Jimmy Belletier) Norman Buck ... key grip: New York Bill Decker ... key grip Ken Fisher ... second assistant camera
William Kenney ... dolly grip (as Bill Kenney)
James Malone ... best boy electric: New York James McGrath ... dolly grip: New York Gary Muller ... first assistant camera: New York Jane O'Neal ... still photographer
Keith Orefice ... electrical best boy Jürgen Vollmer ... still photographer: New York (as Jurgen Vollmer) Richard Walden ... additional camera operator William Waldman ... first assistant camera (as Bill Waldman) William Ward ... gaffer: New York (as Billy Ward) Sandy Williams ... best boy grip Alexander Witt ... camera operator Thomas Enright ... electrician (uncredited) Michael T. Travers ... grip (uncredited) Animation Department Glen Claybrook ... animation: camera John Canemaker ... animator: main title (uncredited) Doug Frankel ... animator: main title (uncredited) Dan Haskett ... animator: main title (uncredited) Norma Klingler ... animator: main title (uncredited) Richard Machin ... animator: main title (uncredited) April March ... animator: main title (uncredited) Bob McKnight ... animator: main title (uncredited) Bill Plympton ... animator: main title (uncredited) Edward Rivera ... animator: main title (uncredited) Bob Scott ... animator: main title (uncredited) Costume and Wardrobe Department Phyllis Corcoran-Woods ... costume supervisor
Dallas D. Dornan ... costumer (as Dallas Dornan) Julie Glick ... costumer George L. Little ... costume supervisor (as George Little) Editorial Department Donah Bassett ... negative cutter Craig Herring ... assistant editor Joe Mosca ... assistant editor Location Management Robin Citrin ... location manager Jonathan Filley ... location manager: New York Ned R. Shapiro ... location manager Grant Harper Reid ... location assistant (uncredited) Michael Stubbs ... location scout: additional (uncredited)
Music Department Kenneth Karman ... music editor Patrick Leonard ... composer: additional music
Transportation Department William Curry ... transportation captain: New York (as Bill Curry Sr.) Ron Kelley ... transportation captain Craig Lietzke ... production driver Robert Neilson ... transportation coordinator (as Bob Neilson)
Other crew Todd Arnow ... production accountant: New York Julia Cort ... production runner Melissa Crowe ... personal assistant: Madonna (as Melissa Crow) Brad Epstein ... assistant: Bernard Williams Mark Finerman ... production runner Stuart Fink ... unit publicist Michael Gannon ... assistant: James Foley Solomon J. LeFlore ... production financing Tom Malanga ... production accountant Kerry Lyn McKissick ... script supervisor (as Lyn McKissick) Sharon Morov ... production secretary Karen Moy ... assistant: Rosilyn Heller
Lisa Pivnick ... production runner Paul 'Sled' Reynolds ... animal coordinator Ron Saffold ... craft service Cathy K. Stoia ... production office coordinator: New York Dana Williams ... production associate Laurie Arnow-Epstein ... construction accountant (uncredited)