A few months after joining AMORC, I had a dream -- almost like a vision because I was in a semi-waking state. In my mind, I saw myself performing one of my out-of-body experiments. At the same time, I saw myself putting my finger inside of an electric plug with live electricity. I then became afraid and returned to my physical body. I immediately got the idea that this was a warning from AMORC to immediately stop that type of experiment.

***

Atrium 1 Monograph 1 affirms that as a new neophyte of the order, the member should begin the sanctum period by following the appointed ritual. The ritual that the monograph refers to is the ceremonial washing of one's hands and drinking of a [charged] glass of water before making contact with the celestial sanctum.

***

In AMORC, suggestions morph into mandates. The monographs begin by offering the neophyte the option of burning some incense before making contact with celestial sanctum. Later it will be more of a mandate, something like, "You must burn incense."

***

At one point in the monograph, AMORC affirms that the world as we know it is nonexistent. It all only exists in our own mind. Our vocabulary and use of words do not convey the real nature of things. This is soon followed by the assertion that "It is possible to modify the manifestation of matter." Here AMORC lays the foundation to instill in members the belief that they, the select people of this Earth, can change everything.

***

There is a long-remembered H. Spencer Lewis quotation, "You have to be a live question mark." AMORC directly states that this question must apply to their teaching as well. To me, this statement of the member's right to question, although charmingly permissive of a member's freedom to question the teachings, in fact, provides cover for an all-pervasive authoritarianism.

***

One interesting concept, brought out in this monograph, is the assertion that Rosicrucians have no actual right to property. Anything that a member possesses really belongs to the Cosmic. To me, although seemingly idealistic, this doctrine is an attempt to further obliterate personal identity and freedom. In later degrees, AMORC will ask its members to use not "I" but "we" instead. The "we" belonging to what? Perhaps the "we" of "our order." Slowly, individual consciousness is raked over to toward the hive mentality.

***

AMORC warns against spending too much time idly watching television or films, as this will decrease members' mental powers and ability to concentrate. What the person outside of AMORC will not realize is that AMORC is setting the groundwork to isolate members from TV, cinema, and eventually the world. They will do so by providing an overwhelming amount of material, including reading, exercises, and meditation practices, that will consume all of the member's time.

***

AMORC makes a big promise for those smart enough to be attentive and do their exercises. It promises that the exercises, which sharpen the members' concentration, form the development of mystical powers, which will lead to a number of psychic phenomena: telekinesis, the ability to move objects with one's mind; telepathy, the ability to transmit and receive thought, often at a distance; psychic projection, often called astral projection or leaving one's bodies; vibroturgy or psychometry, which has been defined as the ability to sense vibrations from objects; these vibrations are often believed to have been embedded in the objects from other sources, usually people; [and] absent healing (ability to treat a subject without being present).

***

To show members how important and meaningful concentration on the candle light is, AMORC philosophizes on the relation between the candlelight and fire. AMORC claims that for centuries candlelight has symbolized fire, the raw, primitive fire that hearkens back to prehistoric man, living in caves, perhaps worshiping the magical source of light and heat that provided the foundations of his warmth and nourishment. This conversation about fire is not really all that mystical. A professor of anthropology could have said this.

***

I believe that incense enhances the relaxation attendant on the candle burning and heightens the state of auto-hypnosis. I believe AMORC pushes the need for it because it facilitates a deepening of this state. Note that after you finish the candle exercise, in my opinion, you will generally be in a state of auto-hypnosis, a state that is probably deepened the more the member identifies with AMORC as the exclusive source of spiritual authority.

***

The neophyte will sit before the candle, take a few breaths, and stare at the flame. He will then perceive the flame as a kind of whitish glow or "halo" around the candle. Once he perceives the aura, the neophyte must concentrate on the color red until the aura becomes red. Then, he is asked to do this for all the seven colors of the rainbow....

This appears to be an exercise in creating a positive hallucination, a hypnotic process requiring a certain level of trance. After all, the member, in this experiment, is obviously creating a color that isn't there.

This next experiment also involves a candle. In this experiment, you try to imagine the candle flame taking on the appearance of a rosy cross or, if desired, to imagine the rosy cross in the flame, all the time mentally saying, "Rosy cross" until you actually see it. In this experiment, the member does not create a color but a complete image. The member is learning to be adept at creating a full-fledged positive hallucination, making images in his mind appear as actual, real, sensible objects.

***

They then contend that, for centuries, the Rosicrucians have used a method of transmission of thought at distance that does not require that receptor be aware of thought being sent to them. AMORC does not deny the difficulty of this process but pushes its members to keep trying until they succeed without letting themselves become discouraged.

***

AMORC states that black magic, or the process of using negative thought to affect other people's lives, is a myth. AMORC states that what does affect other people is not the practice of the sorcerer but the fear that people have of black magic.

***

In the initiation, AMORC makes the claim that their order is empowered by an egregore, or group consciousness, consisting of both incarnated beings and non-incarnate spiritual masters. The sincere members, who study and practice the teachings of the monographs, receive a spiritual energy or influx from the egregore, which provides the student with regenerative energy and a sense of direction.

***

The monograph goes on to promise the neophyte that he will soon have a more precise idea about the idea behind the teachings. It would be wonderful if this claim were true, that now the neophyte would be able to quickly assess the value of the teachings and the true goals of the Rosicrucians. But, by this point, the direction of the teachings and the monographs that embody them is still largely unknown, and I, who have been through them for twenty-four years, can verify the ambiguity of this statement. The neophyte has not moved into an area where he is now finally able to grasp the true goals of the teachings. In many ways, the intent of the monographs will remain enigmatic to the end.

***

This monograph makes clear the Rosicrucian position on abortion, declaring that life begins when the newborn takes its first breath. Implicit in this statement is the idea that life does not exist before the first breath, a position I take objection to for a variety of reasons.

***

AMORC claims that its advanced initiates will be shown special Rosicrucian healing techniques. This should not be unexpected: AMORC claims to have a lock on every type of human knowledge. Coupled with its claims about producing conditions that will result in financial wellness, the member is encouraged to be patient, postponing the dedicated actions necessary to seek proper medical or health advice or to work gainfully and seriously toward legitimate financial goals.

***

AMORC encourages its students to study the monographs when they are tired. AMORC claims that when you are tired, you will fall asleep while reading these monographs. But that's all right, because in that state, you will be more receptive to AMORC spiritual knowledge. The truth is that then you will be more suggestible. The hypnogogic state, which is the state right at the border of sleep, heightens suggestibility and makes you a better candidate for mind control.

***

AMORC states that even though Doctor Mesmer was not a member of AMORC, he was in close contact with the Rosicrucian brothers.

***

AMORC now explains the technique of respiration. AMORC states that even science recognizes that restful relaxation that can come as a result of proper deep breathing. AMORC defines positive breathing as a method of breathing in which the inhalation is held for a very long time, as long as possible, followed by an exhalation. AMORC tells its students that from a physiological point of view, positive respiration is very efficacious if they are very tired and need to regenerate themselves physically and mentally. AMORC advises its students to practice positive respiration in the morning, while waking up, because positive respiration reinforces people's strength and will put them in a better disposition to begin their day.

The exercise that follows uses "negative breathing," a technique that is the opposite of "positive breathing." In positive breathing, you inhale and hold the breath for as long as possible; in negative breathing, you exhale, attempting to not inhale for as long as possible. Holding the right thumb between thumb and index of the left hand, the neophyte is asked to practice negative breathing and observe the effect on the right arm.

***

According to the Rosicrucian theory, all sickness can be healed with positive or negative vibration. This reminds me of an incident that happened in 1993. I was in my senior year in college and found myself constantly sneezing. Seeking to rectify the cause of my sneezing, I looked carefully at my diet and decided that at least I was eating properly. So I decided to apply Rosicrucian processes for self-healing, practicing positive and negative breathing all day and all night. Unfortunately, this had little effect on my sneezing.

***

Having put all of my faith in AMORC, I tortured myself to figure out what I was doing wrong. With time, I became a complete robot, doing positive energy treatments day and night, seven days a week. Of course, the pain never stopped until I changed course after 1990 and allowed myself to be diagnosed by a doctor in Queens hospital. There, I learned that I had failed to breathe my stomach ulcer away.

***

While this is going on, the cult is basically trying to brand his consciousness with a group identity. They may give him a special name or title; they may have him participate in group rituals, including chanting, singing, game playing or dancing; they may have him use special handshakes....

Perhaps, under more honest circumstances, some of these ritualistic and bonding elements could be a good thing. There could be a case made for a type of religious organization utilizing these elements for the members to bond together in a sincere quest to find or worship God. But, in this case, based on my twenty-four years of experience, I believe that AMORC uses these so-called spiritual or metaphysical practices, such as breathing, visualization, and chanting, in a specific context that leads to the induction of a hypnotic state in their members. This, coupled with the claim of infallibility and historical authenticity, produces an agentless form of hypnosis, hypnosis without the hypnotist, a kind of amalgam of self-hypnosis and hypnosis by an outside agent.

***

Fraternal organizations, owing to their oaths of secrecy, often operate with compartmentalized protocols. In the case of AMORC, AMORC separates its members into different levels of initiation, telling them to keep their initiatory content to themselves.

***

AMORC tells its readers that the aura experiment will support a specific mystical practice, which it counsels its members to develop. To be effective, the exercise must be practiced regularly. The ideal times to do it are in the morning after waking up, after lunch, or between meals. AMORC then counsels the member to drink the water after performing the exercise, claiming that this will revitalize the member -- even more so if one drinks it after having completed intensive physical activities. So, when I was exhausted from lack of food and sleep, I practiced this exercise more to get the strength I needed, which I lacked because I did not have the money to buy food. As a part of this fantasy, I began to speculate that I had become poor as a result of the divine action of the Cosmic, which intended to use me as an example to show that people can bypass food altogether and live on cosmic power.

***

According to AMORC, there are twelve vowels sounds that are able to produce special, unique effects. These sounds and their effects have long been kept in the ancient Rosicrucian archives. This privileged knowledge was transmitted to me slowly over twenty-plus years of compliance with the Rosicrucian system, producing nothing of any substantial value to my life or survival.

***

In the reading, the master of the class, who you are imagining, tells you that he or she has looked into the neophyte's heart while they are meditating and are satisfied with their progress. In other words, you imagine someone present, who is saying that they have inspected your inner consciousness and that you are now ready to proceed. You are then enjoined to silence, placing the index finger of the right hand over the lips....a kind of symbol of the perennial silence a Rosicrucian must keep about his work, first from the outside world and secondly from those who have not reached the appropriate degree in the order.

***

At the end of this monograph, AMORC talks about the more evolved idea of God as a perfected consciousness, a universal intelligence, not as an animistic or anthropomorphic entity. The concept of God propounded here will progressively prepare members for a substantially different approach to God than what they were brought up to believe.

***

Superficially, it appears that in this monograph, AMORC is treating the subject of the soul in a very objective, philosophic way. But, after a while, the monograph suggests that most likely only AMORC itself can provide the necessary experiment to prove the existence of the soul. According to AMORC, the concept of the soul -- or consciousness fully separated from the body -- can be proven by such experiences as astral or psychic projection. The best way to prove the existence of the soul is to experience yourself being initiated to its reality during a cosmic communion. AMORC further goes on to say that you can best experience the soul, in general, through out-of-body experience.

***

AMORC contrasts its advanced teachings to the current state of science by mentioning that the "law of seven" has not yet been accepted by science. This is one of the laws that the Rosicrucians have allegedly accepted since very ancient times. The monograph then describes different cycles of life partitioned into cycles of seven years. I remember when I studied the so-called cycles of life around 1981 in Haiti. I remember saying to myself, "According to the cycles of life described in the monograph, I am already behind."

***

AMORC affirms, in effect, that it is in charge of the world. Members of AMORC think of themselves as belonging to an exclusive club. All the rest of the children of God are secondary citizens or outsiders.

***

After relating the concept of the second coming of Christ, AMORC points out that the Christian belief does not make any sense. AMORC claims that it is not their intention to attack the Christian faith, but such a dogma flies in the face of science. It is obvious, of course, that they are, indeed, attacking this Christian doctrine. The practical section continues, highlighting all the shortcomings of the Christian doctrine of the resurrection and opposing the Christian concept to the doctrine of reincarnation. Now after fully developing an antagonistic point of view toward basic Christian doctrine, the monograph asks its members to think about the Christian doctrine of resurrection. Then AMORC asks readers to consider all they have learned in this monograph and think about the concept of the resurrection in Christianity. This injunction to contemplate on this doctrine is followed by a disingenuous affirmation of their members' freedom of belief, even if their belief includes the concept of resurrection.

***

This monograph quotes Louis Claude de Saint-Martin. The teaching of Saint-Martin is a great example of how valuable it is to question and to doubt. This is very strange because AMORC chases away people who ask questions. The monograph states that by going through karma and reincarnation, you will raise yourself to the state of "rose-croix" and will no longer have to live in the physical world.

***

AMORC uses its own values to attack religion, society, our social system ... everything you can think of. Then they conclude their argument by reassuring us that their goal is "not to criticize our social system." But that's exactly what they do. After savagely criticizing every religion, social structure, and social organization, AMORC brings in its own mystical point of view to resolve the various issues they've been addressing.

***

A continuation of this lecture on the "I" will be reflected in the twelve temple degrees. Members will be asked to stop using "I" and to use "we" instead. Practical Application: The neophyte is to avoid using "I" as much as possible, as well as phrases with "me" or "myself," like "it seems to me" or, perhaps, "as to myself."

***

Here AMORC presents itself as the representative of God on Earth. According to AMORC, the cosmic masters act permanently in the service of humanity. They work through the great white lodge, the true government of the world. In their mission, the cosmic masters receive help from the great white brotherhood.

***

After twenty-four years in the order, my personal belief is that they have used mind control techniques and labeled them meditation techniques; taken elements from different teachings they have found and fused them into a monolithic, historical artifice, a continuing tradition that never existed in the way they have claimed in these monographs; developed and promoted a kind of cosmic master oversight and affiliation with their organization, which exists most vividly but solely in the minds of the founders and perpetuators of the order and the members they have convinced. In short, I believe that the AMORC Rosicrucian order was created out of elements they have found here and there, from old books, from other organizations, and from the minds of H. Spencer Lewis and other leaders. The power of their teaching is fueled by their ability to inculcate their beliefs through hypnotically fueled suggestions based on sophisticated remote indoctrination techniques. It is supported, for those who attend lodges, by enormous peer pressure enshrined in buildings set up to inculcate members with the antiquity of their rituals and traditions.

***

I got into a meditative state and became passive and open. In that state, I had a disturbing, confusing vision. I saw someone beheading me....

During the period of passivity following the commencement of meditation, I saw myself crawling on my hands and knees on McArthur Causeway in Miami. I was reaching for something in the presence of someone else, also in that same crawling position. Then, in my dream state, I saw a snake crawling across the street, followed by a strong intuitive message that I should improve my social and economic condition....

Two minutes into my relaxation session, I had to stop suddenly. I felt like my head was exploding. My eyes were blinking rapidly, and I received the impression intuitively that I was forcing it too much. I was being excessive. All is lost....

During my meditation period, I had a vision of a truck going down Alton Road near my house. But the truck was traveling on the wrong side of the street. I saw myself in the back of the truck. At the same time, an interesting message came to me: "No room for the crazy."...

While practicing the exercise from yesterday's monograph (monograph 23 of the third level), I saw the image of an ugly face and then a picture of a handicapped man with crutches and another man in a wheelchair. All during the period of relaxation, I saw other images of ugly faces. Tonight, I showed my determination by continuing the exercise despite that fact that an inner voice directed me not to continue with it....

At two different times, I again began to inadvertently and unexpectedly scream loudly. After each of these disturbing episodes, I began the exercise again, attempting to go into deep meditation. Instead of realizing that anticipated state of meditation, I saw the face of a monster, eventually leading me to stop what I was doing altogether....

This was a day of confession. I was overcome by sleep, but I forced myself to continue. I became strongly tempted to use some very foul language about my situation with AMORC but I forced myself not to vocalize anything negative....

As I was about to fall asleep, I again saw one of those unpleasant, monstrous faces....

I am trying to close the gap in my monograph study by taking on two monographs per week until I'm caught up. Today, I tried to meditate on the exercise in monograph 5, tenth temple degree. Again, I started seeing the strange monster face I had seen before....

Things are getting more extreme. In pure disgust, I spit on the monograph. I continued to read this monograph with complete indifference and only because I was afraid of what could happen to me if I did not read it. Deep inside my heart, I now believe that these monographs are nothing but a compilation of lies. I am interested now in the kind of practical knowledge that can help me to better my economic condition. Is this so strange? What use is a religious belief that grinds your mind and soul into the bleakness of poverty, that pretends it can uplift the soul without supplying some kind of solution to the needs of the human body? We all need food, clothes, shelter, and money to live. Who can pretend that we don't? I am not talking about a religion of greed or exploitation. I am just talking about a religion that takes into consideration the common need for human beings to survive in their environment with some kind of grace and dignity and not to go hungry every day....

"The 'real' self has also been responsible for generating thematic dreams. I have met hundreds of former members who reported having nightmares over and over again while a member of a cult. These dreams typically involve themes of being lost, hurt, or trapped. People have told me about having cult dreams of being lost in a dark forest, of being choked or suffocated, of being imprisoned in a concentration camp." (Hassan, 74.)

***

By the time I got to my junior year of college, I had started observing that I had a hard time staying focused when attending a class. My inability to concentrate was so bad that after attending a class, I had to go home and restudy the material on my own. It became so hard that I thought maybe I had some kind of brain tumor. But I couldn't go to the doctor because I didn't have health insurance. I concluded that although I might have had a brain tumor, AMORC was keeping me from having the means to visit a doctor so that I could learn to have more faith in the egregore to take care of my health problems. I finally concluded that I had to meditate more and practice the AMORC exercises more, so that AMORC could continue to take care of my health problems and give me back my ability to concentrate.  Now I realize, from reading books about mind control organizations, that various indoctrination techniques of AMORC may have been what messed up my brain.

***

At the time of my flight, my mother was on her deathbed, having been diagnosed with cancer. I cried every day about not being able to visit her. I was still convinced that if I could only practice the AMORC principles perfectly, I could send a "treatment" to my mother, and the Cosmic would heal her. So it is no surprise that I fell back into the cycle I had been in when I lived in Miami, practicing the Rosicrucian exercises twenty-four hours a day. Healing my mother would be the ultimate test of the AMORC teachings.

***

For more than twenty years, I used to purposely bring up a specific image when negative thoughts came into my mind -- especially negative thoughts about AMORC, which was the main source of my doubts....Every time a thought like this came into my head, I would, as instructed by AMORC, visualize a chosen master, someone from the Rosicrucian pantheon whom I truly respected. This would theoretically bring a spiritual influx into my immediate experience and deflect the negative energy. Of course, the natural person to choose was H. Spencer Lewis. Lewis was the founder of our order, the powerhouse who had found a true connection with the ancient order and resurrected it in the United States, the writer of the sacred monographs. Perfect choice. Given my circumstances, as you can imagine, I visualized him a lot. Unfortunately, owing to these continuous efforts, when I began to separate myself from AMORC, Lewis's face became a trigger point for me....When I reached the point where I began to intentionally mentally distance myself from the organization, his pictures persisted and began to flood my imagination. As my efforts increased, I was bombarded with the picture of his face day and night. Since I did not have any money to hire a therapist to help me deal with the problem, I started on my own, using what I called then the "brute force method." I started by deliberately visualizing the unsavory behavior of H. Spencer Lewis. By that time, I was convinced that he had used the name of God to enslave many of his children, and this was unsavory and wrong. I also started to mentally associate his image with the other brainwashers of the world, such as Jim Jones and Marshall Applewhite of Heaven's Gate and the like.

***

At an early stage in my conscious rebellion, I started receiving impulses that were completely backward and wrong. For example, in a very compulsive way, I went to my boss and told him that I would quit my job shortly, when in fact I had no plans to get a new job. The more these types of impulses occurred, the more the missteps I was making became obvious to me. I attributed these missteps to my having imbibed some of the false teachings of AMORC about intuition and visualization. The techniques did not empower you with Cosmic attunement; they nurtured a false concept of intuition and spontaneity. You became a victim of your own false conception of yourself as a cosmically attuned adept, confusing the impulsive behavior with real intuition.

***

I am still able to meditate but am still hearing strange sounds and having daymares and nightmares. I do not know if they are psychic perceptions, grounded in genuine mystical experiences, or mental problems. Since I do not have the means to see a psychiatrist anyway, I am provisionally accepting them as some type of mystical perception. I will endure these peculiar experiences the same way I endured stomach pain in Miami, Florida, and New York, when I did not have health insurance and had to live with the pain and accept it as an AMORC test.

***

Most members at this level are conscious of the fact that they have been used and are somehow tainted by the organization. It is, again, hard to explain to someone who has not undergone what I've gone through, but their inertia to freeze themselves, their core motivation, is seriously affected by the indoctrination they have experienced.

***

In 1999 in accordance with instructions provided at the end of the eleventh temple degree, I sent a letter to the master of the grand lodge. In this letter, I described the painful experiences that had started back in 1986. I was worried that perhaps I had crossed over to a negative place in my mind or even was having some kind of schizophrenic episode. I was told that schizophrenia was probably not the problem at all, but to reflect on where I might have opened my mind to a negative influence. This response was so vague that it didn't help me in any way whatsoever.

***

AMORC is basically a religious dictatorship run by an imperator -- a Latin term used in various ways during the Roman Empire but evolving into a word basically synonymous with emperor. AMORC's strength is derived from members' blind belief in its authority, those members having been spoon-fed certain doctrines and dogmas via the weekly monographs, similar to the function of holy writ to Christian fundamentalists. These doctrines are ingested in a sanctimonious and hypnotic atmosphere, reinforced by a firm injunction against disobeying the terms of membership and thereby being cut off from the egregore. A Rosicrucian who falls from the good graces of the organization will, so to speak, be at the mercy of fate.

***

ARTICLE 15: MAKE THE SPIRITUAL REALM MORE REAL THAN THIS ONE: Question members' focus on physical reality. Create a sense that subjective reality is more objective than physical reality -- particularly a subjective reality that reinforces the cult's interpretation of the world. Question the reality of the physical world, of time and space, and of the need for logic-based decision-making.

-- The Prisoner of San Jose: How I Escaped From Rosicrucian Mind Control, by Pierre S. Freeman